Betty White Is In HELL!

Betty White left us too soon. She was 99 years old when she passed which made us fall to our knees and ask god why he couldn’t let her live just another year. Think of all the progress she could have made in that year…

Dead and gone

While Betty might be dead, rotting in the ground, and in hell now, only us true fans can hear her anguished screams from the underworld. A mirthless eternity is nothing compared to losing a legend!

Seeking: 1 Betty Replacement

The loss of her as an actress will damage entertainment for years to come.

Who will play the affable old white lady for 40 years now?

Are there any great impersonators out there waiting to take over Betty’s legacy?

Arnold Schwarzenegger as Betty White in ‘Granny Doubtfire’

Will Arnold do it? Yes please!

Hell, give him three telethons of him pretending to look like her for 30 minutes straight and no one would complain about TV and his mediocre movies anymore.

Even our grandmothers would think that would be ok, that is if they weren’t all dead too.

Now’s your Mrs. Doubtfire moment there Arnold! You could go without your testosterone injections for a few months so you look like your age. The age where elderly men start to represent their aunts.

Hell, even yours truly has started to act my age on set. MY BACK MY FUCKING BACK!

The REAL Hell Fire Club

So Old Betty White is in hell now. Her anguished screams echoing through the cavernous abyss. The devil is laughing, he can never get enough human suffering.

Betty ended up in Hell because of Hollywood. Hollywood made a pact with the devil long ago and Betty is down there paying the price.

The hell fire is unbearable for her, and she is running around crying out for a merciful god to forgive her for not speaking up.

The devil is a bastard

The devil towering over her with his special devil’s fork doesn’t care about the screams or the cries, it’s a perk of his job. This type of work is pure pleasure for the fiend himself.

The endless laughs and cheers he must get from his job of torturing the damned. Now that’s job security.

Betty is dead, her soul in Lucifer’s kingdom to suffer in torment, writhing, curled up in the agonizing flames until her very bones melt away and disappear into a foul dark sea of eternal misery. And the actor we watch every week, our Betty, his arms folded, remaining stoic as she suffers!

Hope all that sinning was worth it you old bag.

You’re not my TV grandma anymore! Sorry!

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Writer/Contributor. Likes working out, drinking slime, and hassling nerds.