Well Christmas came and went so as good followers of the Christian holiday we want to know… WHAT DID YOU GET FOR CHRISTMAS?
Ho Ho Ho, I’m Drunk
This year we got:
- 55 vaccine booster shots, you can never be too careful!
- A pocketful of microchips, there’s a shortage these things are good luck charms!
- Two remote control lizards, they just keep moving and we were wondering what the hell was going on here.
- Six shady cryptocurrency ICOs.
- Four pyramids in the shape of Lego blocks, Jesus Christ, how do we put this thing together?
- 1 million individual socks, why would anyone buy that many? Costco.
- 7,500 cork stress balls, we have all the anxiety these days.
- A modest pile of old Doctor Who videos, they’re great on acid.
- A self-cleaning waffle iron that comes with free rats.
- 5 sacks of golden coins because gift cards are lame.
- 2 glow in the dark snakeskin sandals, uh oh. These bad boys are up to no good!
- A new brand of fabric softener called “Jesus Scented”. Hallelujah, everything smells like heaven again.
- 3 petrified lemurs, if you feed them bananas they sing at night. At least that’s what the guy told me.
- 5 hot rocks from Nigeria, ooohh what strange delights lay in wait!
We’re still cleaning up the wrapping paper and cleaning up after Santa drank our liquor cabinet.
He really really, got sick. We’ve heard of spreading Christmas cheer but he got Christmas spirits all over the fucking place!
Now it’s time to get ready for the next big holiday: New Year’s Eve!
It’s the end of 2021 but we can’t wait for 2020 to start!