Swamp Thing Is Nothing But A Soggy Cunt

You’re on notice “Swamp Thing” if that is your real name. We know you’re nothing but a soggy cunt. The swamp is a lousy place to be and that’s where you’re from? Come on dude. Be honest with us, admit it!

Swamp Thing isn’t going to talk, though, so just sit there and take this thing for whatever help it can give. You might find some of this interesting.

Swamp Thing never bathes. What the hell man? Are you trying to get us sick? That muddy complexion really doesn’t work for you so wash it off!

The only good thing about being a marsh monster is that we don’t have to see your ugly mug at the grocery store debating between frosted flakes and oatmeal. It’s just as well, because you’ve got such a bad breath we’d likely faint dead away before getting a pack of oatmeal.

Swamp Thing looks like some kind of zombie lunatic covered in mud. How is that a super hero? Who grew up wanting to be covered in mud? Not me. I wanted to be Spiderverineclops. A mix between Spiderman Wolverine and Cyclops. A true innovator of my time.

Swamp Thing is just a lame version of The Hulk that smells like tepid bog water in an old boot. Where does he think he’s hiding in this far-flung land?

A big wet foot out of nowhere turns into a green armored figure and instantly destroys everything in its path! Its fist whips up trees! It kills people! People love him! He’s pure class right down to his green shoes that are reinforced to trudge through the swamp in search of violence!

Where did Swamp Thing go after his last appearance? Did he fly on Epstein’s plane? Why won’t he answer my persistent phone calls? It must be something serious or they would never keep a man around with such frightening powers. He has a tent somewhere in Alaska, by the sound of things.

Anyway, Swamp Thing probably thinks people worship him. He may actually believe he is some type of god. And I wonder why he doesn’t stay close to civilization. Let’s face it, we all hate each other, but not as much as we hate Swamp Thing.

You’re a horrible piece of shit Swamp Thing. Fuck off and die already!

You think you can be a hero looking like that, think again!

You want to run around burning things down and destroying things, fine, but don’t do it in what is obviously a rubber suit covered in mud and vines and other shit you found at the city dump.

I’m waiting for you outside a burger joint in Seattle. You’re welcome to come and take one bite from my burger if you want to fist fight me. You little swamp bitch!