We asked the ghost of David Bowie what he thought about NFTs. He wasn’t happy we summoned his spirit to ask him such a question but we used our connections to spirit Hollywood to contact his ghost agent.
MUTANT BUNKER: David, how have you been?
DAVID BOWIE: Well, I’ve been better. Being dead and all, you know.
MUTANT BUNKER: So David, what do you think about Visa making NFTs?
DAVID BOWIE: You interrupted my cloud time for this rubbish? I don’t even know what an NFT is and I’ve seen the end of time itself and I still can’t explain the bloody things. I’m not a banker so don’t expect me to talk banking gibberish. Even if I were, would you want me talking to it?
MUTANT BUNKER: We’d get a few million dollars if you and I made a NFT right fucking now.
DAVID BOWIE: I made a few million in my life but it never lasted long enough. (starts humming Station to Station )
MUTANT BUNKER: If Jesus could make an NFT what would it be?
DAVID BOWIE: Who knows? But he’s more down to earth than I am.
MUTANT BUNKER: Would it be art?
DAVID BOWIE: It’s not about that, dumbass.
MUTANT BUNKER: What is it about, Mr. Omnipotent dead guy?
DAVID BOWIE: First, I’ve met Jesus, he doesn’t call me ‘Omnipotent’! There are several trillion galaxies out there! Why would anyone waste time looking at me when they could be looking through something more useful? And why wouldn’t anyone be making NFTs when art has existed since the beginning of civilization?
MUTANT BUNKER: Mark Cuban made one.
DAVID BOWIE: The future is here now I suppose. Was it worth $100m to him? For the record I think that was dumb too. Nothing is worth anything.
MUTANT BUNKER: I don’t think you get it, David. NFTs are going to change the world.
DAVID BOWIE: Listen mate, I’d love to chat but I’m late for this supergroup I’m doing with Elvis, Kurt Cobain, and Lou Reed. As we speak I have 20 bassists standing around the studio waiting for me to play my new track called “I Can Make Anyone Cunt-Free.”
MUTANT BUNKER: Is it a love song?
DAVID BOWIE: Kind of.
MUTANT BUNKER: Alright David, thanks for you time. Enjoy Heaven. If you see the dog from the first Air Bud please tell him he owes me $20.
DAVID BOWIE: Why do you owe that dog money? Do you owe it to someone? Or do you just have a lot of money?
MUTANT BUNKER: I told you about Keanu Reeves?
DAVID BOWIE: No mate, some other time.
Well there you have it. David Bowie is obviously 100% against crypto-currency and he wants to suckle at the world bank’s teet even in heaven. How pathetic. I’m burning all of my David Bowie albums the second I figure out how to light my iTunes account on fire.
The good news is my ouija board works. The bad news is that I think it opened a portal to another dimension at my dining room table because I had to have dinner with Genghis Khan last night. Let’s just say he’s not as versed in table manners as Mr. Bowie.
I personally can’t wait to die and go to heaven so I can hear David Bowie’s new song. I’ll just have to atone for all of that sinning I did waiting in line for a Playstation 3.