Chewbacca Gets Political

Chewbacca gets political? Say it ain’t so Chewie! That’s right your favorite dog man smuggler, Chewbacca stopped by the White House in what critics are calling a lame cash grab by a fading actor.


Chewbacca had this to say regarding the smuggler laws “Rarrgggrrragg, raaarrrgggg”.

You can clearly see the desperation coming from that guy’s face. I mean if he didn’t know, everyone knows. He was being filmed when the president talked about how everyone should vote and with laser blasters. When asked what he meant by this he started blasting his way out. Han Solo in the back of the room nodding, for some reason with a huge boner.

At least the US Secret Service had the presence of mind to confiscate all of the prop lightsabers. They were going to allow them into the room after they announced “no weapons” but then all hell broke loose.

So who are the people who decided it’d be a good idea to bring Chewbacca to the White House? First of all he’s not even eligible for voting on Earth. Secondly, and more importantly, no one wants him anywhere near the White House.


In case you’ve forgotten this guy’s resume here are a few examples why you should stay away from a black hole named Chewie:

  • Han Solo shot him in the back of the head and he said the N word really loud. Yeah, that N word.
  • His tail broke off. In an attempt to hit a pirate and break free. In space. While riding on a giant metal slug shaped like a couch. Seriously. Such a loser.
  • Fired too many shots into a Stormtrooper’s wife to count with his weird wookiee crossbow that George Lucas personally gave him.
  • He committed war crimes in Vietnam.


As you can see Chewbacca is wrong for the White House and wrong for America. Just ask Storm Trooper Bro, Gunner Wackman, any nameless star wars rebel, or a bunch of random civilians Chewbacca murdered with a couple clips of his cheap Chinese plastic blaster. Besides we don’t need another dog person telling us what to do with our time. We get it, you bought a mug that supports Obama’s favorite VP. Now shut the hell up Chewbacca.

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The Masked Man

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