To Hell With The Influencers

If you like one of these so called ‘influencers’ then you might be a moron! Their whole persona exists solely to be just famous enough to sell you things that you don’t need or want.

You feel empty it’s because you are

The “unfulfilled me” is always searching for more. Always looking for a friendly face in this cold world.

Don’t worry an affable person on social media has some affiliate links for you! Using a parasocial psychosis they hypnotize you into believing that their recommendation means anything to anyone anywhere.

I’m afraid I have been cursed with internet addiction. Thankfully I cured myself because the internet got so god damn dumb. I could not read anything online without completely misunderstanding it and/or jumping to incorrect conclusions. Even now it’s not fun to look at other people’s accounts because I can see how they’re lost in this stupid game.

No more vision

All the vision that was the web flew out the window when Silicon Valley pushed out all the people who lived there and moved in a bunch of engineers to bottom line the entire world by putting a smart phone in their pocket so we can read their dumb opinions on every comment thread ever.

Nobody here is as bad as the majority of shitstormers you see on social media that don’t realize that what they post gets taken out of context but feel perfectly entitled to their untruths as long as they keep getting those likes. It’s kind of pathetic really.

More and more people are becoming famous influencers thanks to video platforms like YouTube, Instagram and TikTok which is imbued with the same vapid bullshit as the cultural of decline in the early 2000s where people were eating bugs on network TV and we were convinced the Ozzy Osbourne family was interesting instead of fat, rich and boring.

People will do absolutely anything for attention and they love their dirty smelly money. It’s also pathetic and sad, and makes me want to throw up a little. Especially realizing that most of you envy their money.

Influencers are this low grade type of celebrity (lower than Kathy Griffin HIYOOOO!!!) that is celebrated for some reason in our empty clickbait culture.

Each circle of the influenced is perpetually growing until they exhaust themselves and evaporate.

The platforms don’t mind because there will always be sad people who want validation and money that comes with a modicum of influence. The platforms especially don’t mind because sad people will watch anything that resembles a human voice but is not actually in fact a human being.

What does it make better?

See, we believe the world should become a better place and all you bastards spend your days ruining everything for everyone. You know what I do for a living? I make bored people smile. Those smiles translate to laughs and laughter is medicine! I am practically a doctor so that means I know everything but not a medical doctor so don’t take this as medical advice.

Influencers do nothing for anyone except themselves and their sponsors. They don’t care about you and they won’t even say your name unless you give them money. Prostitution works the same exact way except somehow they have more dignity that your average grade social media influencer who is so desperate for a dollar bill that they’d sell poison to people who want to believe that they’re friends with someone “famous”.

They don’t know anything or solve anything except for putting money into two pockets: theirs and their advertisers.

Sponsors are monsters

You see they get paid maybe $20-$50K per tweet if their views are nice enough. In some cases they get just over a million dollars for a post. So obviously that’s enough to feed some sort of nefarious habit, some sort of greed that can’t be quenched, they are some sort of biblical monster of sin and filth.

So while they tell us how fucking cool this guy looks all the time how great his company is, nothing really changes for them. Yet they’ll shill you boner pills, razors, underwear that’s made by slaves, mattresses, fleshlights, eye glasses, stamps, whatever bullshit they can Keyser Söze together around their mom’s rental home. Don’t trust them, don’t trust anything they recommend even if they are the nicest person around.

Of course you won’t listen to your pals at Mutant Bunker though. We’re looking out for you.

Be warned they will lie to you, torture you with their shrill voice, mislead you and spin you to destruction with minimum effort and maximum sleaze. Their posts seem at first to be presented as objective fact but are actually a big fucking commercial. If pigs ate money they’d be screaming for more slop. Instead they’re pulling their proverbial pants down for a nickel a view until they can really sell their souls.

Mothers, don’t let your kids grow up to be influencers. They’ll be dumb as bricks and the future will be doomed.

No future for you! Haha, remember Seinfeld? THOSE DAYS ARE GONE JERRY, GONE!

In conclusion unless you’re stupid to begin with and searching blindly for meaning, then embrace your spiritual bankruptcy and this flippant journey you’ve started with your rudderless quest for fulfillment.

Some all caps advice in bold italics



Can you feel it?

Are you feeling like you hate influencers yet? That’s what we like to hear. Tell your friends about this article and try to turn their minds sour so they will SHARE this experience. These annoying fakes will never change their way of life unless you throw something at them. Something heavy like the truth about their schemes and machinations to grub more cash and take it away from people who wanted nothing more than to be entertained.

It’s always been wrong and it will continue to become more wrong. Why do we want to live in a world where some get to be the influenced and others the influencers? I know I don’t want to be in a world that is subservient to advertising revenue, they do and you should not respect them one bit.

The empty envy of money is revealed when you finally get money and expect it to fill all those holes in your soul left there by the people who raised you. It’s up to you to find fulfillment and not clog it up with consumerism. The human spirit wants more than what your credit limit has to offer and if you were in the seat of the influencer you’d find that money is its own set of problems.

A taste of the good life

They get hooked to this fancy lifestyle. Maybe at one point they struggled and they don’t want to go back, so they get more and more inauthentic. They start taking more sponsor cash that they don’t believe in. They’re whoring themselves out to sponsors, to guests, to their listeners and I don’t hear anyone with any influence. I hear someone on the run from bills and accepting that they are not anything special.

Even the people we deem as special were put there by the influencers and gate keepers of the time. Now that the gates are knocked down you are all a bunch of cattle aimlessly wandering through a field chewing on cud. Only problem is this stinky filth tastes worse than the old rotting one. We want to go back to the meadow land before you bulldozed it and put your stupid McDonald’s bullshit there.

Influence is pointless if it’s not for bettering people. It’s been the same story since the beginning of time and they wrote an entire bible about it. Greed isn’t new but smart phones are and they enable these superficial fucks to create an alternate reality that only benefits them and seeds your mind with doubts about your own personal life.

You’re cool, but to hell with them!

Fuck the influencer culture, social media and you if you buy into the charade. Trust the ancient principles of freedom and wisdom that were given to us at the dawn of humanity by no mainstream source but our internal wisdom. Search for it. It’s too late for influencers but you’ve still got a chance!

We believe in you now get back to lifting weights and reading Sartre novels. It’ll make you a lot smarter than anything you’ll see on TikTok today.