Laws are weird. First they say go this speed, then they say thou shalt not kill, which is it?
Here are a few weird laws you probably didn’t know existed!
In Lexington, Kentucky, there’s a city law forbidding babies from crying before nine am. It says no one can make noise “with the intention of annoying or interfering with anyone else.”
At Butte, Montana, it’s illegal to wear rain boots inside. In fact, you’ll be cited if you don’t remove them once entering a building.
If you’re in Danville, Virginia, remember to always leave your chickens at home because if you don’t police are legally required to eat them, feathers, beaks and all. We’re certain they would make fine fricassees.
The state of Texas has outlawed critical thinking. This means that the entire time Texans are formulating new ideas in their heads, it’s unlawful and you should report them. Except you should say it in an accent with all the Hispanic words pronounced wrong so they can understand you.
In Hillsboro, Oregon it is against the law to build furniture out of human hair, human teeth, and human fingernails. A fine for breaking the ban is $150 plus two dollars per person consumed. Also the dentures must be removed before being used as props on TV talent shows like Top Model.
In Everett, Washington the film of the 1950s, Gone With The Wind, cannot be shown because people there say it sucks balls.
Denver outlaws certain types of animals for marriage purposes. Rats, for instance, are absolutely no good.
We’re just getting your jail cell warmed up
If you see someone wearing a yellow wristband in Columbus, Ohio, they may need help. The people of Columbus believe that Lance Armstrong patrols the streets saving people like Batman. The yellow bands work by signalling you gave him money and he likes that enough to become a super hero.
In Santa Monica, California it is against city ordinance to dance while people are looking. Those who aren’t guilty will only be fined $50 but those who are innocent will be arrested and given five years to pay off the fine.
Denton, Oklahoma has a law preventing anything green, blue, pink, purple, orange, red from running for mayor. If you suspect someone may vote on the opposite color, shoot him police chief says to deputies.
Newport Beach in the southern part of California keeps track of the number of bicycles used by party clowns because you have to have a permit to be a clown. This was after the Newport Clown Massacre where 200 clown gangs fought in the streets. Six people were injured and 10 parades canceled when rival gangs started pelting each other with eggs and balloons and one clown fell into a vat of sauce, hit his head and passed out. The rest is history.
In Chicago, Illinois it is illegal for a member of the city government to not embezzle money. Nothing less than the death penalty will be considered, however this only applies to the southside like the rest of Chicago’s laws.
In Miami, Florida it is a misdemeanor not to dress like a douchebag. Besides losing employment options and having to find new friends due to douche-face syndrome (which is what you’d probably have), crimes that get you thrown in jail include being very short or overweight. You might also be fined thousands of dollars if people believe you’re sending secret message with pictures instead of numbers. They were very specific about the numbers. You’ve seen Scarface, no?
More of these downright crazy laws
In New Orleans, Louisiana a man may never hug a woman unless she uses him as a drinking stool first. And what better way to make yourself look bigger than holding your drunk girlfriend up and putting her hat back on. As if that weren’t weird enough, men too are banned from using women as stools. Suck it up fellas, ladies are in power now!
In Bismarck, North Dakota you are required to lie down to urinate, only because they don’t want you to get any ideas about leaving. For good reason too, every second bathroom visit costs you 25 dollars even if you go to one just twice. So lie down there big guy.
In Fort Wayne, Indiana the maximum sentence for possession of a french fry is 90 days with fines and fees starting at $500. After that though you still have to pay monthly since the fries will last forever unless they are eaten all at once.
There’s nothing odd about Carroll County, Maryland’s antiquated public nudity law in that they require it on the weekends. A whole town of people young and old doing their shopping in the nude! How absurd!
Wellman, West Virginia, though officially not a county but an incorporated village, is the home to one of the strangest laws in America, again: a gun shop owner in Appalachia may not sell a weapon without a pet shark nearby to supervise the sale! We told you they were coming for your guns and you didn’t believe it.
Weird doesn’t begin to describe Nevada. Between 1992 and 2002 alone Nevada residents threw away 11 million trees. That is because trees were made illegal in Nevada and all the residents didn’t want the mafia to make them dig their own grave.
This story sounds pretty funny. And here’s another one; folks in Texas (not Florida) may ride horses bareback as long as you shoot a gun into the air sending deadly bullets plummeting to the earth. Don’t worry, they promise that their safety belts are attached.
Did you hear about the Chinese restaurant in Wichita, Kansas that serves customers out of water closets behind heavy black curtains, the way cattle chew cud or bear paws knuckle in soup. It’s called Fatty Tits Eating House. It is a speakeasy situation because this very form of eating was made into a felony crime by the state governor in 1867.
Obey the laws, all of them
So there you have it, more laws you have got to follow or else you’ll end up making license plates for soccer moms with the company of rapacious hardened criminals shanking you for commissary money.