I Declare 2023: White Boy Summer

It’s not too late to declare this summer “White Boy Summer”! I do declare! I do!

Is my skin color a problem for you people online? Is it? Because it is not a problem for me! You people online, you’re saying it’s a problem, so I’m going to go out and make it a problem! I’m not even a white boy! I’m more translucent kinda like a veiny spring roll.

I know the first White Boy Summer was a flop, but now is the time to reboot it.

OHHHHH! So you’re saying white lives DON’T matter??!?! Isn’t that like racism or something? Curious.

Racism ended after BLM, I’m pretty sure. My black friend went to jail for existing so I haven’t been able to keep up with what goes on in the streets my brutha!

So I don’t really have an opinion on the topic, but I’m a comedian and I can write anything so who cares, you have to do what I say!

Not a dumb idea, actually, it’s something Einstein himself would have wanted

A lot of you are probably thinking “White Boy Summer” is a dumb idea, but you’re wrong. It’s not a dumb idea, it’s a brilliant idea!

You know what’s good about the idea? It’s going to make me money! People are going to pay me to have White Boy Summers for them! That’s my niche!

We whites have had it rough in the past years, we’re the butt of all the jokes, we get all the jobs, and people hate us because of a privilege we didn’t even know existed until we’re told we have “affluenza” and “boys will be boys”.

We gotta do better!

Hands Across America

It turns out White Boys are going to be white so I’m going to go ahead and keep getting sun burns in hopes I tan up like my personal hero, Will Smith.

Will Smith once said “Let’s get Jiggy with it“, and Chet Hanks once declared 2021 “White Boy Summer” in the wake of Black Lives Matter, so lets say we end racism for real and make them collaborate on an ear grating song that shows where the real privilege in America lies.

No? Too real? We can do better!

Summer is coming

This summer of 2023 is now White Boy Summer and it’s going to be a lot of fun.

I’ll be getting sun burned and making jokes about “White” like some kind of crazy weirdo, but at the end of the day, we’re all just going to sit back and enjoy this summer in peace, because I’m going to make some money this year, so don’t even try to mess it up! Do better!

I declare 2023 is now WHITE BOY SUMMER

The time has come to unite as a people, to declare “White Boy Summer” to be the summer of racial tolerance! I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for all the racism to stop.

We’re going to bring a lot to the table, like fashion. Check it out, I’m already making a ton of money off my white-boy summer shirt! I bought a bunch of them, look! All better!

Unity at last; or I didn’t know it was white boy day

I’m really glad that this country has come together as one on this, it means I’m going to be filthy rich. RICH! RICH LIKE CHET HANKS FOR DOING NOTHING!

I want to have a substance abuse problem, a rap career, an acting career, and I want a creepy father who is up to no good like Tom Hanks instead of my normal do-nothing-not-in-The-Burbs father! Life is unfair!

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Writer/Editor. Drinker of Soy. Eater of Soy. Lover of Soy. Don't judge.