Our editorial team needs a break. We wrote a lot of stuff for you ungrateful bastards. We write, we write more, we try to entertain and yet you’re not reading every single word published on this site. For shame!
We’re great, we know it. You don’t have to worry though because we’re lazy just like you. We’ve been preparing this list of our best of the best. We’re going to have to send you a bill though. I hate to say it but we’re going broke from the $5 a month it costs to host this site.
Here are our best articles so far:
- We Fixed Game Of Thrones Season 8!
(Most Chuckles Per Capita if you were a fan)
We decided to rewrite Game of Thrones Season 8 since so many people were disappointed in it. We sincerely hope you enjoy it and if you want to cancel your HBO feel free, they suck.
- Ban Orc Face Immediately
(Edgy, don’t cut yourself!)
I am offended by everything these days. I just watched Lord of the Rings and I took issue with the way the orcs were treated. Did the fellowship ever try reaching out to the orcs through community awareness programs? Why should they be excluded from the fellowship?
- We Review The Best Weed Strains
Forget High Times. Everyone who works there hasn’t graduated 7th grade and they believe that they get all of the best stuff. You’ve heard of the Cannabis Cup? Have you never heard of the Mutant Bunker Cup? You’re missing out. The contest came and went, the contestants fiercely battled one joint and bong at a time!
- PRANK! We Framed This Dog For Murder
(Wow this was bad, why is it here again)
See this dog? We pranked him! He was just walking along and minding his own business on a nice sunny day.
- Be An Action Hero (The Right Way)
(Jean Claude would be proud of you if he weren’t so French)
Everyone wants to be an action hero. So you got a VHS of a testosterone fueled death match and you want to be that unstoppable killing machine you saw as you adjusted your tracking. This is a good thing!
- The Ballad of Shooty McGunns
(Diversity award for girl power in the wild west)
Shooty McGunns was unlike other cowboys in that she was a cowgirl. She was the meanest bounty hunter in the wild west and the tame east but this story is about the wild west. The times were different, the people were bolder and more powerful. Unlike today when people are petty and weak. Things were settled differently, much different.
- Tom Hanks’ Weird Morning Ritual
(60th Annual Fictional Truth Teller Award Nominee)
Tom Hanks is pure evil. Look at him. Those aren’t honest eyes. This is a typical day in the Hanks mansion.
- Oscars: Will Smith DECAPITATES Chris Rock
(Remember this? It was pretty funny.)
Did you see the fight at the Oscars last night? We hope this sort of violence will be a regular occurrence at every celeb-laden event.
- The Lost Episodes of Family Matters
(Blast from the past, caveman award.)
We’ve managed to dig up lost episodes of the hit show Family Matters.
- Pokemon We Hope Are In The Next Game
(You love listicles)
The last game was awful! We hope they add these rumored Pokemon to the next game. We scoured forums, subreddits, and all the chans to find the additions people thought would be most likely.
- Sulk Hogan Returns To Wrestling
(Is it fan fiction if you hate everyone?)
Sulk Hogan enters the ring, exhausted. The crowd is in a frenzy.
- How To Tell If You’re In A Death Cult
(Religion is pretty cool)
With all the fake news floating about, it’s really easy to get swept up into movements. We wrote this handy article to help you, the viewer, figure out if you’re in a death cult or not.
- Comedian You’ve Never Heard Of: Tired Of Cancel Culture
(Comedy isn’t dead, it’s just in a coma and brain dead)
This just in: a comedian you’ve never heard of was complaining about cancel culture! What did he do? He won’t say but he’s tired of all these ‘woke types’.
- Jake Paul Fights The Mummy
(This little shit is everywhere)
Jake Paul wants to let the world know he’s tough and so the logical thing to do would be to prove it.
Editor’s note: If you don’t agree these are the best, then fuck you! Everything is free jackass!