We’ve managed to dig up lost episodes of the hit show Family Matters.
In 2019 they attempted a secret reboot using the same cast members and replacing those who didn’t join the roster. They called it the Urkel Purge.
These episodes were said to be lost as producers thought they weren’t what the network ordered at all. Rumor has it that Netflix will run the series but chances are this will end up a Disney Plus exclusive. Walt Disney’s brain has to be smiling with all the money he’s making.
How did we get the episodes? Well it’s no secret I’m addicted to auctions. I love spending my hard earned cash on stuff people pulled out of the garbage can at the thrift store to sell in order for them to afford luxuries like insulin and electricity.
Finally some traditional values
We popped the DVD in and pressed play and took notes. You really won’t believe these episodes!
Lost episode 1
Urkel goes back in time to Vietnam to fight the war. Steve visits the house and finds the trash cans filled with candy bars. He takes them all back home with him. When he is spit on upon return he learns a valuable lesson about patriotism.
Next up in the episode…
Mr. Urkel visits Mr. Anderson after he gets his nose removed, because a squirrel got into his face. No explanation. It could be anything from alligator attack to full on zombie attack. Or maybe it was just a bad batch of cocaine.
Lost episode 2
Stuck again? Steve visits the church service where Mrs. Urkel and her father get married and are ordained by the minister who also did the one at the beginning of the service. He brings in the bride. As you can see she is naked and the reverends face-stare at each other while trying to figure out what they should do next.
Lost episode 3
There was an episode where Mr. Urkel ran away after finding his underwear stuffed down his throat and inside a gym locker.
Sooooo… where does that leave us?
The first half of this episode ends with a fake flashback where Mr. Urkel runs from people with guns. Who are they shooting? You’ll have to watch to find out. Oh wait, you can’t because we have the only copy.
Lost episode 4
Carl and Urkel finally agree to have a duel at dawn. When Carl doesn’t show it’s revealed to Steve that he suffered another heart attack. When Steve Urkel arrives at the hospital, Carl shoots him and says “gotcha, bitch!”.
Lost episode 5
Finally, Steven’s career as a nerdy comedian comes to an end when he drives off a cliff at 120 miles per hour. He is saved by landing on Kevin Hart’s massive ego in a surprise guest appearance. The look on Urkel’s face was priceless. He was all like “Did I do that?” and we laughed — hard.
Lost episode 6
As seen above, after surviving multiple attempts on his life, Mr. Urkel decided to become a male stripper. Again, we’re still not sure what he was doing before. It turns out he was undercover to try to get Eddie off the booze. Laughs happen when mistakes happen: Like when he took Kiki’s picture for her birthday present. Then everything went downhill fast when he realized she thought it was a sex tape.
Lost episode 7
We haven’t yet seen a sign of Steven’s parents. We assume they are out of town. Steven decides to have a party and it gets out of hand. A local Bully challenges Steve Urkel’s new pal New York Sal to a fight. It turns out New York Sal is in the mafia and breaks the bully’s collar bone sending him to the ER and later the morgue.
Lost episode 8
Steve Urkel helps an old lady across the street but the movement causes her to drop her groceries. He pushes her in front of a bus and says “Drop dead for the patriarchy!” and the producers hand him a large sack of cash which he uses to fund Bill Cosby’s reign of terror.
Lost episode 9
Carl gets promoted to Father of the Year and Laura is jealous of how much time Carl spends with Urkel working on an old car. Meanwhile, they’re building a robot that looks suspiciously like Urkel and the robot is bigger than normal cars. The robot has missiles for nipples.
Lost episode 10
While buying gas in his beat up truck, Steve sees something hanging over the tank. His fuel level suddenly drops leaving him stranded and close to an Alabama town of racists. He spends the rest of the episode on the run in a manhunt movie fashion. It turns out he just fell asleep watching Law and Order SVU reruns like the rest of us.