We here at Mutant Bunker have connections and we get all sorts of exclusive interviews. Today we’re interviewing George Carlin’s ghost!
Talkin’ Comedy With The Legend
Mutant Bunker: George can you hear me? I think I need to get this Ouija board checked out.
George Carlin’s Ghost: Yes, what is it?
Mutant Bunker: Big fan, can we ask you a few questions?
George Carlin’s Ghost: Sure, fire away.
Mutant Bunker: Do you remember your first show?
George Carlin’s Ghost: My first show was very exciting, I was nervous but it was a great show. I didn’t know how to swear though. I’m glad they never released that show. I was afraid they’d show my swearing to young kids.
Mutant Bunker: You were swearing on purpose back then?
George Carlin’s Ghost: Oh yeah, I’d say fuck this. To hell with that, I’m going to kick this shit out of the world. That was me. I was always like that, that’s what I was about, that’s who I was. That was the deal. I was always a fucker.
Mutant Bunker: What do you think of comedy today?
George Carlin’s Ghost: Not good, not bad. It’s like a bunch of mediocre shlubs all got together and conspired to make the world call them a ‘comedian’ when they’re no more than an asshole. They are the assholes of today.
Mutant Bunker: What about stand-ups who have podcasts?
George Carlin’s Ghost: Yeah, they suck too.
Mutant Bunker: Who’s your favorite comedian?
George Carlin’s Ghost: I love them all. I love Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Richard Pryor. I love ’em all.
Mutant Bunker: Do you have a favorite joke?
George Carlin’s Ghost: I like the one that makes you go ‘Huh?’ or ‘Huh? What the fuck?!’
Mutant Bunker: What is it like in the afterlife?
George Carlin’s Ghost: Pretty cool. I don’t think I was ready to go but it’s not so bad. No more jerks asking me dumb questions, oh wait a minute, I guess that’s not true.
Mutant Bunker: How does it feel to know that Louis CK was called the ‘next George Carlin’?
George Carlin’s Ghost: Fucking hell! What is this, the ghost police?
Mutant Bunker: Not a fan of Louis CK?
George Carlin’s Ghost: He sucks!
Mutant Bunker: But you know who else sucks?
George Carlin’s Ghost: Who?
Mutant Bunker: That douche-bag, Ricky Gervais. He’s a fraud!
George Carlin’s Ghost: He’s a phony, a poser. A total fake.
Mutant Bunker: Are you going to haunt him?
George Carlin’s Ghost: You bet your ass!
Mutant Bunker: Alright, thanks for your time.
George Carlin’s Ghost: Okay whatever kid. Don’t quit your day job or you might go hungry.
After that I threw the Ouija board against the wall in a rage suitable for toddler. I was so enraged I forgot to tell the ghost to get off my property. Now all I can hear is spooky language.
