Holy Shit I’m Hungover!

Holy shit my head is pounding! I’ve been drinking since Christmas Eve and now that it’s New Years Day, I’m feeling a little shitty. I thought maybe I could share these helpful hangover cures. I’d say quit drinking but I took a sip off a flask as I said it. HOOHAH!

Hangover Cures So Cool They Wear A Leather Jacket And Sunglasses

1. Quit drinking. Hahahahahaha…. I’m addicted.

2. Swallow 15 adult sized condoms filled with water. Suck up all the water and then drink it right away so you can rehydrate your body. Repeat until you’re back to 100%.

3. Drink huge amounts of strong coffee mixed with liquor. Hair of the dog that sent you on a bender.

4. Put your left leg in a cold shower while shouting, “I will not be fucked with today!” Then, put your right foot in and order yourself to have sex with an old ugly person within 3 minutes or you will throw up.

5. If the room is still spinning simply remember that things are no longer perfect. You know what? Screw it, go get something nice for once. How about a drink?

6. Sit on the floor and do floor angels. Like snow angels but linoleum. The ashes and cigarette butts on the floor will open up the pores in your skin and let out toxins.

7. Fire an arrow into your own forehead. That’ll stop the headache. You’ll die, but it works.

8. Give yourself a buzz cut. AFTER you leave the bar, the bartender really hates it if you leave a pile of hair in lieu of a tip.

9. Ask the ugly person to leave your bed and home because you can’t live with your life or your decisions unless they leave right fucking now. GET OUT!

10. Don’t puke, you got this, your stomach is stronger than you think. Don’t puke. Don’t puke. BLARAHRHGGGHGHHhh