The Problem With Jon Stewart’s New Show

Rejoice! Jon Stewart is back to train you to laugh at all of your problems instead of using your agency to make change. At long last I can chuckle as my rights slip away one by one, I’m happy!

Sorry Trevor Noah, no one does it like ol’ Jon Stewart.

Call to action? More like call to chuckle.

Who needs habeas corpus when we got laughs? Waterboard me between the chuckles.

What’s The Problem With The Problem With Jon Stewart?

There’s just one problem with the show: THE GOD DAMN WRITERS

We recently watched ‘Jon Responds to YOU!’ the show’s first foray into having a ‘mailbag’ segment for the show.

To make the show seem authentic like your favorite podcast, they do behind the scenes round table discussions with the show’s writers who have an outer space alien intensity about them. It’s like they’ve never spoke to another human before and keep shouting their opinions at Jon.

During the segment they allowed people to call in, leave a voicemail, Jon would roughly address the cherry-picked issue and the writing staff would turn around and quote things they saw on Twitter such as “A vote for Trump is a racist vote.” and “Everything is racist, sexist,and my life is horrible! I AM A HIGHLY PAID WRITER AND EVERYTHING IS UNFAIR WAHHH! WAHHH! WHERE IS MY BOTTLE WAHHH!”

The ‘everything is racist’ moment. Well one of them, there were several and it was annoying each time.

Things are unfair and they always will be. The idea that you can make things perfect for everyone is idealism suited towards your first year at college where you believe that drinking until you vomit and barely passing tests is going to change the world some day.

Jon makes valid rebuttals but the head writer sticks to her Twitter indoctrination and Jon being old, gives up to keep the segment moving and to save the work friendship.

No one wants to work anymore

The entire staff nervously participates on camera trying to get Jon’s approval. Jon gracefully doesn’t tear them down for some reason, and the more I think of it he’s probably getting blood transfusions from them all or something.

Writer’s room chats are usually fun to watch. So far every single one of these has felt tedious like everyone was trying to get through it. The only person that gave it any breathing room at all was Jon who carried the entire segment with a lot of extra dead weight.

They really need to stop trying to borrow the authenticity of podcasts by talking to these political correct goons like they’re all best buds and not prisoners in a boss-employee situation. They suck all the air out of the room and it ruins what could be an interesting segment.

Woke hires are not bringing diversity of ideas

Your thoughts are only tweet-deep.

Instead we believe that Jon’s show would be better with a more diverse panel of writers. I don’t mean by race or gender but by thought. Some redneck with a cowboy hat and a spittoon at his side would challenge Jon more on his show and allow him to tailor his message more towards the middle of America like he used to.

If he can reach across the aisle with reason, our country won’t be as divided. Seriously. The major divisions started when he retired, and can you believe he has that much power? People are stupid, so you should.

Classism through pizza

Speaking of middle America they rightfully shit all over Chicago deep dish pizza but also hammered in how they view the Midwest as all rural flyover states. Guess who your audience is? Disaffected people left to center residing in republican states in the Midwest! Typical coastal elitism. “Everyone who isn’t in NYC or LA is racist and we’re the only ones who eat real food even though you all grow it.”

Yeah fuck the midwest but fuck the coasts more! YEAH COME ON GLOBAL WARMING! COASTS! NEW YORK CITY BAY COME ON!

They consistently bring up Midwest pizza as a punching bag, they like others ignore Chicago thin style when comparing it to NY thin (deep dish doesn’t stack up to thin). Also they ignore other midwest types of pizza like Detroit style pizza, St. Louis style pizza, Quad Cities style pizza and continue to hammer in the coastal elitism through food some more! Anything else you’d like to shit on the working class for? Ignorant but privileged PC goons.

Thanks for your thoughtful perspective. This changes everything!

I thought you were enlightened foodies, why do you only eat one type of pizza crust?

Oh yeah because everything is racist, pizza is racist. I bet these writers: Jay, Chelsea, and Robby can’t even make a pizza themselves, a cup of coffee, or operate the tap water.

Not knowing how to cook is racist, cooking is racist. The whole planet is racist, racist, racist!

Jon, would you like some fresh sweet cherries?

I don’t even remember the issues presented in the segment, each of the messages their writers cherry picked was congratulatory of Jon. Either attributed to Jon’s charisma as an entertainer or the staff’s competency as a bunch of woke sycophants under the rule of a clown dictator named Jon Stewart. Which is it Jonny boy?

Considering your good pal, Pete Davidson was one of the call ins, I’m going to guess clown dictator. Give your surrogate son the day off for christsake!

Fix your god damn show. Fire the wokes, hire Joseph Steve-Bob MacBroom Jr. from the trailer park instead. The behind the scenes segments will be 100 times funnier and you’ll get a perspective you can’t see from your ivory tower or your summer home.

All Hail Our Corporate Overlords

The entire segment is insufferable and seeing the Apple logo next to Jon Stewart’s head is just another reminder that some big business algorithm determinates what can be culture in this country. It’s a safe jab from the walled garden of a corporation guilty of everything Jon accuses others of.

This walking hypocrisy takes the wind out his sails while a bunch of hangers on suck the life force out of his legacy like the woke leeches they are. If you want the show to be good, if you want to make a change, you cannot approach it this way.

The writers even go out of their way to compliment Instagram’s algorithm for shopping purposes while Jon looks confused that a tech company could pivot its interests towards commerce and leverage its data empire. Are you really up for this job Mr. Stewart? The world changes a lot in 5 years. You can’t let your producers Weekend At Bernies this show. This isn’t Jimmy Fallon, sir.

This is the end my TV friend, the end

Once the novelty of “Jon is back” fades away so will Jon’s credibility in the face of hypocrisy and empty feel good social justice stances taken by the writers who are doing nothing to end the problems other than name calling and finger pointing.

If you want to help make a more equitable society I suggest you find a way to do it without being the shrill and annoying voice the other side hates but in another flavor.

The entire writing staff seems to bear some guilt for their privileges and instead of using their position for a greater cause in order to make things better, they’re instead punching down on half of the country, as is the media’s MO to sow more division between our neighbors.

We love you Jon but you’re out of your depth after your extra long sabbatical. This show could be hosted by Rachael Maddow and the writers would be the same. Steer the ship or we’re getting off the ride. Enough with the neo-liberal gospel hour it’s not 2008 anymore. No one with a brain (their target audience) believes in the lie that there are two parties anymore.

What’s that Jon? You can’t hear us over the stacks of millions of dollars? Oh. Ok, I thought we were like best friends though.