Survive The Will Smith Pandemic

Is Will Smith is the new COVID-19?

I look on the news, it’s all about Will Smith. I thought there were hundreds of other countries but it turns out the only thing happening in the world is what’s going on in that crazy Smith household!

Can you ban a force of nature?

He’s banned for 10 years and said sorry for assaulting Chris Rock but we got to know: Should we wear a mask?

What about wash our hands?

How do we get rid of Will Smith?

I masked, vaccinated, washed my hands, and killed a man for toilet paper to survive COVID-19 so how do we outlast the Will Smith pandemic?

This was the question and the dilemma facing humanity. He’s currently throwing punches at other people he believes know his wife’s name. Little does he know that first names are not the same as secrets. I don’t know what twisted games they play in Hollywood sir, but we all know first names in this household!

Let me tell you all about how my life got turned upside down

The Will Smith reality is just one slow moving horror flick from being farce into full blown tragedy. If only people knew that no matter what you did to make sure Will Smith wasn’t in your house, he was always just outside your door.

Maybe if we had taken more zinc this all wouldn’t have happened!

Thank goodness the Oscars are quarantining after the Will Smith outbreak. 10 years is quite the quarantine time but scientists have to study the outbreak. Dr. Fauci refused to comment about the Will Smith pandemic.

“I’m gonna die, how many of these masks does one person need?”

French Prince

At the corner store I see Will Smith again. He’s slapping the grocery store clerk for saying his wife’s name. He’s got a really bad case of his own disease, it’s sad to see the French Prince of Ball Hair fall so far.

A vaccine for Smith’s aggression still has yet to be made by Pfizer who is too busy domineering the biotech world to answer our emails.

Oh shit, I think I heard a window break.

Is it Will Smith? I did just rent GI Jane. Yes I think Will Smith broke that window!

Oh well better not catch it on film. We all know there is no stopping Will Smith from doing anything he wants!

Are we safe yet?

The authorities say they’ve got him corralled in a zoo, but he’s fighting them off. Can anyone help us now? Can anyone in cyberspace hear our screams?



I run down the hall, lock the door. I hear nothing, and then all of a sudden Gettin Jiggy Wit It starts playing. OH FUCK WE’VE FUCKED UP OH MY GOD.

The artist says sorry. He said he can’t take back what he’s done!

Then I hear slaps at the door, increasing in pace until the wood breaks away like in the Shining. I can see through the door, it’s WILL SMITH AND HE’S SLAPPING THE FUCKING DOOR APART.

I set the house on fire, I think he’s still inside. Thank god it’s over. It’s all over. Then I trip! It’s Chris Rock’s severed head!!! I scream and run away but it’s a dead end. I turn around and it’s — oh my god it’s him…


I am dead.