Podcasting will forever change as Mark Stevens of Blueball Radio is stepping down to focus on his non-pod career, which includes an excellent and inexpensive (not free) lunch menu at the restaurant where he works as a waiter. The future of podcasting is up in the air but it will continue to be a tool for whorish professionals and desperate amateurs alike.
WE WILL MISS THE BLUE BALLS
“The decision was difficult,” says Mark Stevens, “I mean, I have such a dedicated fanbase that always leaves me hot, wet notes in my diaper during their reviews.”
Although he does not intend to disappear from podcasting entirely, Stevens insists that he won’t be hosting any new shows. In addition to his 9-5 job as a waiter at Niles’ Catfish House, he also operates a petting zoo in his spare time. When asked if he will still release podcasts using a different name, he simply smiled and said, “Listen, pal, let’s just say I’m calling it quits. Forever.”
KNOW THE HISTORY, NOOB
Mark Stevens first got into podcasting when he was released from Kamp Krusty after accidentally killing a young camp counselor with a stray squirrel pellet fired from his ukulele while attempting a prank. From there, he quickly rose through the ranks of amateur podcasters before becoming the breakout star of the podcast scene where he watches other podcasts and complains about them. Since then, his weekly podcast has become so popular that nearly every media outlet imaginable has tried to replicate its success.
IT’S NOT EASY TALKING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT STUFF
While it takes a professional to know what a microphone does, it takes a hero to open their mouth and breathe hot air into it for 9 hours a day. Some might wonder what his favorite sandwiches will be, what kind of Marlboros they should smoke, and what beer is available. As it turns out, his primary employer doesn’t sell alcohol because they don’t want to get a liquor license, leaving him no choice but to turn to more nefarious means.
Stevens claims his alcoholism is under control but everyone knows that going to work drunk is better than going to work sober. He does acknowledge that since he is no longer recording a podcast every week, he will need to find a replacement hobby something where he can continue drinking heavily in front of a camera.
“My only regret is that I didn’t do this sooner,” said Mark Stevens, choking back tears, “If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a pool full of dead flies to clean up before my shift starts.”
