Robert Downey Jr will no longer be playing Iron Man, instead he’ll return to his role as Nepo Man. There is a lot to be said about the similarities between the two but one thing is for certain, RDJ is no stranger to nepotism.
He sits on his golden throne, reading scripts and laughing to himself imagining a movie where he is all roles. He looks in a mirror and kisses it.
“Someday I’ll be Batman,” he thinks.
One day a script arrives that has absolutely no resemblance to any other superhero film ever made, it was promptly thrown in the trash and urinated on by several movie executives.
As Downey was preparing to leave to take a shit on this aforementioned script, an email from Marvel reached his inbox.
They offered him the part of ‘Dr. Hank Pym’, “The man with a size changing exoskeleton”, Iron Man’s long time rival and his mother’s former boyfriend.
“I’ll do it! Finally a chance for a real role, to show my diversity and to give a boring an adequate performance that is highly regarded because of my father!” Robert said in glee.
The movie went straight to number 1 at the box office after premiering at Comic Con 2028.
Although not much of a blockbuster hit with critics, Robert Downey Jr sits in a palace made of gold laughing at his own reflection and thinking “Look how I changed the world.”
NEPOTISM RUNS DEEP IN HOLLYWEIRD
It is no secret that there are certain stars whose career only began when they were related to someone already famous.
It’s also no secret they like to believe they’re valuable to the world when they could disappear tomorrow and no one would notice.
Robert Downey Jr is just one example of these types of people who need constant validation. He can’t resist doing another shitty movie for boring balding redditors to gush over like a 16 year old girl.
It seems we’ve been tricked into watching one shitty actor being replaced by another shitty actor. The buffet of shit is endless in Hollyweird. That’s why we should stop watching movies made by overpaid men of privilege who have forgotten what they learned in high school drama class. Movies are becoming like breakfast cereals. Same ingredients, different packaging.
This sort of bait and switch tactic has got to stop and I hope Robert Downey Jr throws himself in front of a bus to make amends with Thor.
The real Thor, not the lame actor who is probably a terrible person too.