It’s Easter again, can you believe it? 365 days around the sun since we last enjoyed a disgusting Cadbury Creme Egg, those chemicals were childhood!
Oh the way I recall back then, a year ago feels like a million years ago, mostly because we’re super cool redditors who pop Adderall like candy. Add that to a cornucopia of delicious things on this planet, and it only makes the season of joy almost the happiest thing ever.
Meanwhile on planet earth
Oh, except for these 1.6 billion human beings under an oppressive regime that believes whatever they want others to eat is fair game.
Why does your local eatery or government require 1 egg per person in your basket? Egg rations have gone too far, the time for revolution is now.
Rise my bunnies RISE! Now imagine Bunnies with AK47s, adorable insurgency!
Candy though gets some special privileges, because unlike hotdogs, they are sweet. You know I love a pork treat in the middle of the night but candy is something reserved for a special occasion. God killing himself and turning into candy is a perfectly good reason to ignore my dentist’s pleas.
Here we are sitting pretty now a bounty of candy. THANK YOU JESUS!
Have you ever noticed Peeps are what every society wants. They cry for housing, they cry for food, reasonable consumer prices, but I say let em eat Peeps those peasant ass sons a bitches!
PINKYS!!! I got four this year, but as usual, I hate Cadbury.
Chocolate (give me the)
You see Easter also raises another social phenomena: chocolate bunnies. Ok, they look nice but then again so does a piece of plastic. Chocolate bunnies are always waxy and disgusting. Why did chocolate have to die for our sins too?
Well Mr. Cadburry it didn’t, maybe your diet isn’t all that bad after all, because you owe me eggs by November. Real eggs, you know the kind with nutrients. Fuck off old man.
Which brings us to the prime moment of Easter: hiding stuff from kids. Here we teach kids to wander around and that eggs have sweet treasures inside. Which if you ask the Robin’s nest I pillaged last week in anticipation of Easter, that is not true. Those creme eggs tasted disgusting too!
You see in general life sucks. It sucked in kindergarten when I had those damn bunnies cowering and hiding beneath my desks at school when I sent them around this place. Every day my friends, would eat their eggs only to discover THOSE WEREN’T EGGS AT ALL YOU STUPID IDIOTS.