Signs That A Person Is Not Nice

Meanies, they’re everywhere. How can you tell if a person isn’t nice or not?

Thankfully for you socially inept morons we’ve compiled this list so you can figure out if you’re truly an idiot worth abusing.


  1. They’re always swinging an axe at your head. Like maybe they want to kill you. That way when you mistake them for the reincarnation of Satan, it’ll be a case of self-defense. They just want to frame you for murder so you don’t get the promotion!
  2. Always negging you by lighting your head on fire. Maybe you should take some seriously learning about controlling your emotions and stop acting like a crybaby. It’s just a little fire, wussy.
  3. If they repeatedly call you Emily Post, they have no business being friends with you.
  4. The tip a trash can upside down and put it over your head and say “There, no more ugly hair.” Someone who is insecure and too concerned with their own social image needs a new girlfriend! Just toss her, ya dummy! Trust us here! You will regret it later in life. You WILL!!!!!! You stupid waste of celluloid.
  5. When in a hostage situation, they’re only looking out for themselves. The robbers said the pizza is for EVERYBODY!
  6. They enjoy burning your homework because “school is for faggots” they say as they slap you around.
  7. When it comes to birthdays they tell their pals that you already had one too many cake pops.
  8. They talk behind your back about how stupid you are.
  9. Takes your wheelchair and throws it off an airplane endangering you and everyone on the plane and says “IT WAS A PRANK” before getting sucked out to their doom.
  10. Takes ten minutes to arrive at something which takes three seconds to accomplish.
  11. Treats all the kids like crap, but tries to throw them off an airplane because they asked for more snacks. YES MEAN PEOPLE HAVE A THING FOR AIRPLANES!
  12. Always gives credit to themselves. I get it, you cured cancer but what about this air freshener I got in my car, you never want to talk about me!
  13. When you do something great, they get all confused and ask who the hell you are.
  14. Uses dry language that annoys you. And then proceeds to dance with dogs to demonstrate why.
  15. Tells women on TV that they would look great in their “skin gallery”.
  16. Plays the victim when you hit them with your car. Sorry I thought this sidewalk was the free way. Whoopsie, I’m on Ambien so it’s OK.
  17. Starts complaining about anxiety issues when you find them breaking into your house to pee on your yellow couch. Then completely ruins your marriage. They love blue and walk everywhere. Pay attention people. Beware these monsters!
  18. Tells everybody how they must kiss THEIR ass to get anything done around the house and lies all the time so the bastards think they’re special, powerful beings worthy of worshiping.
  19. Treats waiters like crap by dunking their head into a punch bowl and calling them a “punch head loser face”. No excuse, pay more, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THEY DO!!
  20. Uses their spider powers for evil and not good. Don’t fall asleep under a bed thinking somebody cares about you, remember YOU SAID YOU WOULD TAKE CARE OF IT AND THERE ARE SPIDER MONSTERS!!!
  21. Makes horrible art while listening to 90’s music. They claim it speaks to their childhood. Damnit, THOSE LITTLE KIDS TURNED OUT REAL WEIRD!!!!!!!!! Get a life, crackpots!
  22. Keeps stealing your car keys and giving them to a felon getting out of prison that day. What the hell?
  23. Twitters pictures of themselves with a vodka and cranberry at a bar-b-que place at 2 am. Then tells all their followers they are always so inebriated they see into the future. Spare us, nutballs.
  24. Throws you in front of a moving bus, hoping it’ll reduce fare for their ride to their part time job at TJ Maxx. Clearly defines psychotic behavior.
  25. Demonstrates their powers by making innocent zoo animals turn into puppets for their crazed plays. Disgusting. Bye bye toy critters! Looks like we have to feed those lazy ass monkeys!
  26. Stalks the security guard when he goes on his break and jumps up onto the top of his scooter chasing him across town till he’s crying and calling his momma!

So there you have it. Nice people are only pretending. Their teeth are visible not because they are smiling but because they are sharks in human form coming right for you!

AHHHH!!! Now if you’ll excuse me I have a subreddit to moderate.

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Bolt Hed

Writer/Contributor. Bolt give me strength.