Jimmy Kimmel Lays Down

Jimmy Kimmel laid down, so what? I take naps as well, does that trigger you too?

It seems people aren’t taking his drunken siesta very bueno. Alcoholism is very appealing!

Pride or Prejudice?

They’re not impressed or proud, but I am. You see, much like Jimmy Kimmel I have to lay down in the middle of a gig I’m over paid for.

Unlike Jimmy Kimmel I do it with enthusiasm every day, often falling asleep mid-speech. Jimmy Kimmel honestly has nothing to apologize for.

It’s a little presumptuous to assume he’s not narcoleptic and maybe he only required some impromptu rest. Rest that was much need to soothe his comedic genius brain. The same brain who got the smart idea to ask dumb people in California questions.

Comedy Is In His Bones

Much like laying down, comedy comes easy for Jimmy Kimmel. Why during his tenure on The Man Show, he and Adam Cigarello or whatever his name was made strippers jump up and down for bus fare.

Pretty progressive huh? I know he’s my liberal hero and that’s why I can’t stand any of you giving him a hard time for getting a little beauty sleep.

I mean do you think an adonis like Kimmel doesn’t get plenty of sleep to keep his gaunt figure looking like a greek god? He may look anorexic, but I promise you he still eats steaks medium rare every night. That chiseled jaw comes from somewhere!

How Rude!

If anything Will Arnnet and Quinta Brunson were rude for not joining Jimmy in an Emmy nap. I know I was sleeping through the Emmy’s too. Therefore I relate most to Jimmy here.

Something I never thought I’d say but what can really be said against Emmy time naps? Nothing.

Emmy’s are boring, stupid, and no one really cares about them except for the filthy rich people who win them and the filthy rich people who host them.

As for those bigoted assholes yelling on social media, fuck em. They’ll stop tweeting the way when they finally see sunlight.

I’m Growing Quite Weary

Jimmy Kimmel took my fucking parking spot at work, but he’s famous so anything he does to anyone with less net worth is 100% legal.

Don’t worry Jimmy Kimmel’s going back to sleep and he’s going to snooze off the rest of his career.

You might see him in the grocery store sleeping next to the Crisco after an all night bender of hosting award ceremonies.

Don’t act surprised if you see him with a pillow in the parking lot at the place you work, he gets tired and you should thank him for the comedic timing of his sleep pattern.

Maybe he’ll roll up a pant leg just to make you laugh, that’s a good joke, right ABC?

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Writer/Contributor. Likes working out, drinking slime, and hassling nerds.