Next Joe Rogan Should Apologize For Calling Himself A Comedian

Joe Rogan has been outed! We now know that Rogan is the most racist person to exist thanks to brave Twitter users trolling through all of his videos looking for racial epithets. Without their fearlessness to hear a curse word over and over, we now got an apology from MMA Hitler. Good thing mom and dad didn’t hear the curses or you’d be in trouble!

I call him MMA Hitler now. He might not be genocidal but uttering that awful word is enough to draw comparisons in today’s hyperbolic and hypersensitive era. I’m literally crying right now because I can’t take all of these EMOTIONS! AHHHHHH!!!! AHHHH!


NBC is going to let him eat goat testicles to get out of trouble.

Now that he’s apologized for being a racist perhaps he’d like to apologize for being a comedian next. For years Joe has been saying that he’s a comedian who studies the art of comedy but the first special I watched he posited such concepts as ‘flying squirrel pussy people’. Years later he was equating himself to Bill Hicks, Lenny Bruce and even Richard Pryor. For years everyone nodded along and let him claim he was a comedian.

Until now. We’ve tasted blood and you’ve shown weakness so now apologize for every leg of your career. Apologize Joe! YOU LET PHIL HARTMAN DIE! You are not a comedian, just admit it! You’ll already admit you’re racist when you’re clearly not so admit you’re not a comedian because the world knows. The world and everyone within the comedy world knows.

If you’re going to publicly abort comedy you need a medical license! You never went to comedy school! How did they convince you to keep saying that claim over and over? You’re not a comedian! You’re not even funny, you don’t even get jokes! Why won’t you admit that?? WHY?????

Why do you think Johnny Carson stopped doing late night??? He realized a rotting corpse wasn’t funny! Don Rickles gets more laughs. Rickles has a corpse for comedy though. What? You don’t think skeletons are funny?

PR Campaign

As a publicist who promotes comics I am horrified by Joe Rogan. I now believe my job is to ensure all comics remain in comedy land where safe friendly guys laugh while being left with black cocks in their mouth at 5AM. JUST AS JOE INTENDED!

In what passes as humor in this world is considered bad taste. Bad tastes often end up hidden in mattresses however for $3.99 you can buy a bottle of Febreeze and clean up all of that bad racism. Spritz spritz and there goes all the problems.

In the spirit of forgiveness we should allow Joe to continue doing comedy but boo him like he’s never been booed. I want to see tears running down his cheeks! Oh, I have nothing against the Joe Rogan Comedy Tour but I refuse to make room for entertainment that denigrates other cultures and creatures! HOW DARE YOU SIR! HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELF A COMEDIAN! WHERE ARE THE PUPPETS?

Bald Neo Nazi Comedians Are Not Tolerated Here!

Of course we think all racists should get their skin removed and have their kin impaled on pikes because we’re so fucking tolerant. We will be canceling our Spotify subscription until Joe admits the closest to funny he ever got was when he shook Dave Foley’s hand. Dave Foley’s hand is notoriously covered in maple syrup and hockey pucks because he’s Canadian. Yes, Canada. Canada is funny.

Don’t forget that Joe is super racist having all of those black comedians on his show and not even giving them a cool million dollars in reparations! Sure he might not have ever owned a slave but he’s not a comedian and therefore he owes the world reparations!

Joe often thinks of himself as Groucho Marx’s favorite son because he smokes so many cigars. I want him to apologize for ruining comedy and cigars! That image can’t be allowed to stand anymore. If people want to celebrate Joseph Schmogan they need to be smoking green money! Joe’s favorite color is green because he’s always selling out to see more stacks of money.


Your computer may implode from rage after reading any more information on Joe Rogan The Hate Filled Comedian and I won’t be held liable for computer implosions. Y2K was an inside job!

Ask yourself. When was the last time Joe closed himself off in his hotel room for 24 hours to perform magic tricks for 12 seconds each? Has anyone seen his top hat?! Shouldn’t he bring it to his show? He’s as much a magician as he is a comedian!

The audience just wants to see the MMA podcast guy, they could give a shit less about any of his musings.

Joe gets on stage every day and is completely silent except for a little box behind him that projects Wanda Sykes’ words into his brain.

Onstage Joe doesn’t move like a human or even act like a comedian. What he does act like is someone out of their element too stubborn to admit defeat. Give the man more bananas. If you cut open his head you’ll find cavities filled with thick pools of alpha brain instead of thoughts. HAVE A BANANA IT’S CHOCK FULL OF POTASSIUM.

Racist history

Any hope that Joe might learn some skills had long since died after the one spoken word heavy performance he gave a couple years back where he said, “NIGGER” at the Laugh Factory.

Oh wait, that was Kramer… Oh and he gets to keep all of his Seinfeld royalties? Cancel culture sure does work! Thank goodness for Michael Richards that anyone who would want him canceled was a mere sperm and egg when Seinfeld was airing.

Kramer saying the ‘n-word’ (2006)

The next time you want to cancel Rogan and get an apology how about you make him apologize for ruining comedy with all of his sycophant friends?

Ask him to feel terrible about declaring victory over comedy, ask him to cry about failing at “the art of stand up”.

Maybe he’ll yell at men in the gym for thinking they have something better than him.

Finally admit why he doesn’t want to interview Bigfoot. He found him, so why the hell won’t he interview him?

I’m asking the real questions and that’s why I’ll be the first to be CANCELED FOR GOOD!