Joe Rogan’s end of life plan is finally revealed. The aging MMA announcer, actor and podcast host announced that his end of life plan will be controversial but it’s the right way to go.
Many have speculated what those plans include for years including the members of his former forum which had a few ideas.
Death by bigfoot was the first thought but he was not able to find big foot in any of his searches. In all honesty he didn’t know if big foot even existed and certainly couldn’t imagine how he would find it either. But he did figure that all of his followers might like some sort of compensation for the years they spent giving him their opinions and the mythical beast.
Another set of fans thought maybe he would simply summon the aliens. Rogan’s love for UFOs were so well known they worked it into his Newsradio character’s personality. What would Rogan do if an alien confronted him? Some say he would challenge the aliens to a sparring match.
But of course it wouldn’t be a UFO or Bigfoot he would challenge. It would be something far stranger than both combined.
Truth really is stranger than fiction.
We asked our crystal ball, what is Joe Rogan’s end of life plan?
The answer may surprise you.
The answer is: Death by Robot.
It won’t be one robot. There will be many robots. Many of them controlled remotely from Joe’s home controlled by long time employee, Jamie Vernon. Jamie Vernon knows all about killing Joe Rogan because he has been watching him die in slow motion for more than twenty years.
I think I speak for everyone when I say that we can’t wait until Joe is old enough to execute his death plan himself. His podcast is like watching a roided out geriatric man complain about things he’s not familiar with like quantum physics for example.
The death robots will be made by Joe Rogan’s pal, Elon Musk. Musk who is working on a bunch of random shit that nerds love. A spokesman for the company says that nerds will also love the death robots. Joe’s man Jamie says this is only logical since Musk is just a nerdy tinkerer who is obsessed with death technology. A decade ago it wasn’t popular but now it’s cool and Jamie wants in on the tech and robotics craze that everyone won’t quit tweeting about.
As for our opinion on murder bots. We think they’re wrong but the spectacle of Joe Rogan has been an interesting phenomenon to behold. As a long time fan we were shocked at the reveal but the crystal ball has never lied before. It has been wrong, but never lied. More than we can say about Mr. Rogan himself.