No, YOU’RE Garbage!

Garbage?! Me?! Well listen up cuz I’ve got news for you buddy, you’re garbage!

Let’s be reasonable…

Look, I just run a fun little site and I don’t want any trouble from pieces of trash like you. My site is an honourable place where men may talk openly about the love that has blessed their lives in fine free speech. But when you try to drag my glorious site down into the mud by peddling rumours of witchcraft and threatening my precious staff with voodoo spells, I must remind you that witchcraft beats voodoo every single fucking time.

Need proof? Why are there no voodoo witch doctors in CEO positions? There are tons of witches and warlocks in high position in business. Can you honestly look at a CEO and not see the reflection of a cauldron boiling? I think maybe you need to get your eyes checked.


No, we’re not a clickbait site for mean people. We’re actually nice once you get to know us. That includes ignoring the fact we’re not wearing pants and have a Sega Genesis controller in hand. It’s true that we do look a little weird sometimes but we haven’t done it on purpose. The nature of this site is honesty. People should be able to have a site without people from the landfill shitting on it.

I don’t come down the landfill and tell you that your place sucks. I mean that’d just be mean, oh and you claim to be nice. DISGUSTING!

Your site isn’t for me anyway. Your awful sludge-brained fellow looks at this website and sees something to hate. A real person of class does not see what you see, they see a refined marble palace of well to do people doing whatever they please. We don’t have “affluenza” but we do know a thing about the effluent spewing from your mouth located atop your disgusting neck.

Where’s the love?

We see right through you lump and all the people who think like you. You try to stir up the riffraff because you need to hide your own inability to pull your own weight by stirring up the wokies. Do I really even need to say why you’re a failure? I mean wouldn’t you just cry?

Haha, we got you. You can’t reply, we don’t have social media, haha you have to handle your feelings like a grown up. Hahah, loser. Now let’s take their lunch money!

Ok, we’re not bullies but if you could willingly donate all of your bank account to our bank accounts that’d be really nice of you. I bet Twitter would even give you a blue star or a piece of flare or whatever you idiots deem to be a worthwhile trait.

Mean tweets done dirt cheap

Twitter users please, leave us alone and respect us while we work hard to make a profit, a living wage if you will. If you feel like being nasty and trying to spread lies about us, find another way, because we don’t tolerate that and we have witchcraft powers that we got from watching The Craft on Bluray.

Oh that’s a garbage movie? YOU ARE A GARBAGE MOVIE!

Your mom and dad giving birth to you

You sure are a negative person, I don’t know how you sleep at night, coming to my article trying to troll me with your thoughts that are so pious. Fuck you and get back on your cross, Jesus. Martyring yourself for internet points what the fuck has become of you?

My thoughts are if you can’t say anything nice then maybe you should try yoga. Maybe a session in the mirror might help too. I mean maybe you’d look better with some new piercings. Also taking your shoes off when inside sounds like a good idea as well. Although your feet probably smell bad since your shoes are just decaying pigeons. It’s not a good look, not a good look at all.

I’m going to take my ball and go home!

You keep saying we’re not nice people but that’s not a nice thing to say. By your logic the internet is all about compliments and here you are disparaging a small business owned by minority people who are gender fluid in every single direction through out space and time infinitely.

For those of you who are bigots that means we are infallible. The pope can’t even touch this, nor would we let him because Catholics must fuck kids for god or something. We not kids but we still get carded every time we buy toilet paper. No we’re not two kids in a trench coat pretending to be an adult because Bojack Horseman stole that entire trope for themselves. We’re not a horse guy so I guess by your logic we lose again.

I just can’t win with you so please leave my internet property before I call the politeness police to take you to the reprogramming booth.