Bruce Willis signed away his soul a long time ago but recently he sold the rights to deep fake his likeness on other actors. What possibilities await?
A Tale of Purgatory As Immortality
Presenting Bruce Versus Bruce, a political action drama starring Willis and his evil impostor!
In this film, the two of them fight to establish the right way to consume cheese, eventually going head-to-head in epic skits that pit audiences against one another in their patriotism, choice of foods and hipness, just like real life!
Willis has agreed to deep fake himself into only the best roles and Bruce Versus Bruce will be the drama of the decade.
And now our feature presentation
The movie opens up to Bruce Willis sleeping in his bed, he rolls over and finds an evil Bruce Willis sleeping beside them. They both start screaming.
He calls security. The guards come in. They have no idea which one to shoot! At least we don’t! The deep fake impersonation is so good it has me eating popcorn like a fiend. Holy moly, this is cinema!
The next scene:
Like most old men who sleep late on weekdays, Willis keeps bragging about how cheap it is to replace certain parts of your car by hiding an adult diaper under the hood. Give him a break he’s losing his mind.
Evil Bruce is disgusted. He can’t believe this is all that remains of the mighty Bruce Willis. The scene ends with Evil Bruce killing the real Bruce and trying to live his life.
In the following scene:
Bruce is walking around Hollywood. No one knows Evil Deepfake Bruce has taken over Bruce Willis’ life yet, not even the LAPD, who tries to shoot him for walking.
He dodges all of their bullets and lectures them about the time he filmed Hudson Hawke. The officers are so bored they fall asleep and let him go.
Bruce finds himself wandering onto the lot of a movie studio, and lo and behold, there is Bruce Versus Bruce. It is revealed the real Bruce Willis is still alive and on set to film a new commercial for cat food. Evil Bruce can’t handle it.
“YOU RUINED OUR CAREER BY CREATING ME AND NOW LOOK AT YOU!” Evil Bruce proclaimed in a scratchy voice.
“I don’t understand.” the real Bruce muttered to himself.
“OUR LEGACY IS NOW MARRED AND BY WHAT?! DO YOU EVEN NEED MONEY?” Evil Bruce continued his exasperated rant.
The two were then engaged in combat. Bruce Willis won’t stand for somebody insulting a giant pile of money.
Subverts the insubvertable by shooting us in a cannon down the uncanny valley towards our own societal ruin and that’s a good thing!
It’s actually rather clever because it allows Evil Bruce to represent any marginalized person across society. Are we offended?
How dare you say that Bruce loves wearing khaki suits and using large handsets. Enough of the Bruce insanity!
The end of the film:
“Everything is dead in the future unless you sign your likeness away to me!” the digital devil says as he appears in a cloud of binary smoke.
Then the power struggle between Good Willis and Bad Willis continues.
Watch these people enjoy a day out in Chicago!
By this time in the movie it’s obvious that life without Bruce Willis was never going to work out anyway. We need Evil Bruce. We need him badly.
Who will ruin the Die Hard franchise if we can’t just keep deep faking Bruce Willis’ face into new and crappier iterations of the same idea we’ve been bored with for 40 years?
With Digital Personality Rights, I could not be more thrilled for the resurrection of the dead and dying to amuse us while Hollywood has a frugal stint and saves a couple bucks on talent.
3000 years from now I hope there is still Bruce Willis and he’s shilling for some low effort movie so that future generations can grow up like I did.