The lockdowns made us realize one thing: PODCASTS MUST STOP!
Holy shit, how many are there now? How many new podcasts were formed since we published our last scathing skewering of podcasting as a medium? Probably 2000 new ones in New Jersey alone!
Jabberjaw
Some people are good at talking, other people say “ummm” or “uhh”, smack their lips a lot and are just generally a chore to listen to. The sad part is that these are the bulk of podcasts!
So why the fuck are so many worthless or terrible trying to be heard in an ocean of good, worthy content out there!? Yes you bastards, I’m speaking directly to the low quality content creators.
Inexperienced
Not everyone wants to watch you hang out and figure out a podcast. We’re looking at critical mass here!
At some point people will have bought enough mattresses, stamps, eyeglasses, razors and underwear leaving the podcast bubble bursting into a fracturing population of crybabies who were living fat off of sponsorships leveraging their authenticity to getting dirty dollars.
Murder Murder Murder!
Sorry true crime podcasters, I don’t want to listen about grisly murders while I’m trying to work. How about a feel good story once in a while, huh? You miserable pricks couldn’t get enough Law And Order: SVU?
Sorry comedian podcasters but the only joke is you believing you’re funny. I’ve watched them all and never once laughed. Most of them can’t quit talking about cancel culture despite the fact that they very much have a platform and throw verbal blows at some hypersensitive liberal strawman who wants to censor this person they’ve never heard of.
Sorry corporations and talk show hosts, you just really don’t get what podcasts are supposed to be.
Time is money, money is time, you want both!
You’re all wasting our time. The gong show was vastly more entertaining because you had to have talent or get gonged off the show. A 60’s talk show with shag carpet had a better set than your bookcase full of filler books you grabbed on the cheap at the thrift store. We know you don’t read because we’ve heard you talk.
Low Quality Filler
Content is supposed to fill you with contentment at the very least but the bulk of what is being offered in the podcast realm is filler with a lot of emphasis on supporting them. Sorry but I can’t even watch PBS because they make me feel like a leech! Viewers like me? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?
Beggars Only
Seriously, nothing’s more annoying to us here than podcasters begging for money. That’s how you want to see a comedian you laugh at right? On their knees begging you for a dollar more aggressively than a median panhandler. It sure makes me laugh.
