Why Is Iowa So Weird?

Not in a good way either! Iowa is important in politics, not for much else. It is a state that is usually forgotten, if it isn’t completely ignored by the world at large. The few times when the state has been noticed, it has resulted in outrage or ridicule.

Everyone is require by law to stick a corncob up their asshole at least once a day, and the people in the state are considered the most hickish of all the states. This is weird enough however there are several reasons why Iowans are the way they are, but here are a few of the most important ones.


  • The State is so small, that it takes less than two hours to drive through it. This means that when you go out, you see the same people over and over again. They may be different people but they’re all related. That’s right just like game of thrones.
  • The majority of the population is made up of farmers, and farmers are one of the most backwards groups of people there is. Some of them marry goats and ride around on tractors, wearing overalls and drinking cheap beer. Some of them are even worse.
  • Iowans tend to be extremely religious, which is an odd thing to see in a state that proudly fucks goats.
  • They hold some weird festival called a caucus that determines which old skeletal windbag will be approving a war or maybe two.
  • The politicians in Iowa are as stupid as the people. Every year they pick a moron and then try to make them powerful. It’s crazy.
  • In case any of you thought that Iowa might have other things going for it, it doesn’t. There is absolutely nothing to do in Iowa. You could literally spend your entire life in the state and never see anything happen outside of people pretending to have moved out of town.


It’s a place where manly men stand shirtless in fields with other shirtless dudes talking about how angry they are about transgender people using the urinal.

This flyover state has fields of corn, idiot people driving around looking for a cousin to make inbred babies with, and some of the worst politicians in the country. Why we let this moron state decide anything is beyond me.

So there you have it, Iowa is the Alabama of the midwest and there’s nothing they can say about it because none of them have ever read a book. In fact one of them is swinging their fist at a library now.

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Bolt Hed

Writer/Contributor. Bolt give me strength.