WOAH TOTALLY UNFAIR. The earth rained down and stranded us there all alone with thousands of others. We were left without any food, water, shelter, or mushrooms! BUMMER!
How could this happen to me?
We were sitting there and this strange water comes from the sky.
“RAIN” someone shouted, but it was too late.
The alkaline desert began to sting our skin and quickly kill all of our hopes. We were hopeless and only needed a way out of this nightmare. This is when I realized that this would be the perfect time to share my poem with this girl I wanted to bang but she wasn’t interested.
DO NOT WEEP FOR ME, FOR IT IS MY STRUGGLE AND MY STRUGGLE ALONE
It’s not easy having a trust fund and pretending to be a poor hippie for days in the middle of nowhere. I ran out of weed quickly and had to spend hundreds of dollars on acid just so I could feel alive again.
I thought I saw Chris Rock but it turned out to be a rock that some guy named Chris. It retrospect it looked nothing like him but I had some bunk acid that made everyone look like comedians.
YOU TALKIN’ TO ME?
After spending days talking to a cactus I’m told we get to go home soon. Ahh home, where my 4 kids are waiting for me and I let my wife do everything.
Too busy tripping for that lame ass shit! But first I have to figure out how to get home. For those who don’t know, burning man isn’t cheap and I’ve spent so much cash on ice cream at the communal kitchen. Oh man oh man do I love an ice cream sandwich.
HELL ON EARTH, IN REAL LIFE!
After dealing with hell I am ready for a publishing deal to write my story about how I went to the desert to get really fucking high and instead I got really fucking high and stranded.
You know what they say “Don’t leave me high and dry.”
NOW I KNOW ITS ABOUT ME THE BURNER GUY AT BURNING MAN!
BURN MOTHERFUCKER BURN MOTHERFUCKER LET THE FUCKER BURN YEAH YEAH YEAH DRUGS! DRUGS! MORE DRUGS!
When the man burned I began to weep. It wasn’t because I missed my kids or because I couldn’t take the noise anymore, no, I was crying tears of joy. Sticks assembled into an effigy to appropriate indigenous culture for spoiled white hippies, how beautiful. All I had been asking for was a spaceship to beam me back home. Instead, I got the motherfucking Mothership.
I wake up the next morning feeling refreshed and ready to go home. When I walked outside, it dawned on me, I could do drugs at my summer home instead! DUH! DOIIII!!!!