Holy Shit! It’s Taco Night!

It’s that night again! What night you ask? Taco Night! That magical, legendary day where society’s modern creatures like to reunite with our reptilian ancestors and dine on delicious Tex-Mex favorites.

We can all remember this great hallowed moment as vividly as if it were happening right now. We can recall how great it was to crunch away on our guacamole bowls while watching Stargate Atlantis or enjoying a tasty grilled quesadilla over an alien laser vision. Oh wait, no we cannot!

Crunch crunch crunch

Because if you’re anything like me then the only person who remembers such an idyllic holiday is Mother Earth herself, because of course I’m sitting here looking at her beautiful face and noticing some difference in her appearance from last year…more wrinkles perhaps? Where are the sandals that she used to wear around the yard back when she made us go outside in order to “find the light?” Whoops, that doesn’t sound like such a hot idea anymore; but I digress.

Tacos extra crunchy (or Extra Crunchless), Guac Foolery (mmm, avocado. So good.), Grilled Chupacabras Tacos (Yum!), Roasted Peanut Domes (ewww), Lemon Pepper Beef Tacos (oh come on Mother Earth!)…and these magical tacos had led to so many questions! They were so puzzling that they even got me thinking, never thought possible. “Where did you even get chupacabras tacos?”

An angel descends from heaven with a taco platter ready to go in one hand and a bottle of hot sauce in another. Oh my my, I think I’ve died and gone to heaven. There must be a hidden country called Taco Paradise somewhere out there—one with sunshine and rivers of salsa.

Check please!

I get the bill, it’s kind of expensive. I say “Excuse me, ma’am, I didn’t order the bottomless margarita taco trough, why would I pay that much for cheese and guac.”

The angel responds, “You asked for the “Guac Foolery” the number one request from customers who want their guacamole extra fresh.”

“Whoa, Wait, hold up! Are you saying this is a full price meal? I can’t have that!” And I begin to run away from the restaurant.

The waitress follows after me still implying I owe her money. I owe NOTHING! My incredible customer-ness is payment enough I yell to her. She doesn’t look happy. Yes it seems taco night is here again.

Back to eating. The chupacabra was very interesting but not particularly tasty. Still, everything tastes better with lots of lemon pepper, probably due to my dehydration making me feel like a mummified cotton candy bun. Good thing I brought this smoke bomb and got away.