You’re Not An Expert

Stop pretending to be an expert online, seriously. Stop it. I’ve had enough with the experts. I can get help from the Sesame Street Book and Sniffles. The writers of The Simpsons know how this works because they’ve done it themselves for years.

Expertise in pretending

So “experts” what do you have to say for yourselves? Why are you all such quacks pretending to be something that you aren’t when nobody wants to hear it?

Lurking behind some nonsense, you’re trying to get hits off your opinion-mongering while the rest of us attempt to make our voices heard about important matters in daily life, like whether or not Snapple makes better products than Coca Cola or if Skeletor and MasterBlaster really hate each other.

They got a name for it

You Dunning-Krugers. You nitwits. There’s nothing you can bring to this table but lies and garbage talk. We’d correct you, but our attention spans are too short. So we’ll start throwing bread crumbs and shouting questions at you instead.

Everyone has seen it. Someone has a real question and then some dumb-dumb chimes in with their “expert advice” where they considered not even the question at hand. They’re just eager to jump the gun and confidently offer their preference as advice. As if you liking Fritos was the cure for solving world hunger!

You are a real piece of work, and not in the good way like Michelangelo’s nunchucks.


Which brings me back to my original point. It isn’t going to get any better. Look out there. This disease of “opinion shaming” under the guise of false expertise has got to stop. You faux experts or fauxperts, as I like to call them as I ruffle their hair and take a bite of their fries, are spreading more lies and false information than a propaganda unit with a full budget! Yeah! I skewered you both, how do you like them oranges?

You ruined it all!

I’m so sick of reading posts where some cocky asshole comes in parading his “knowledge” when this prick can’t even provide links, sources, or spell correctly. I’m supposed to believe you? I don’t think so buddy! Everyone online is a fat guy who wants to steal my credit card for some nefarious purposes that for some reason always involves anime.

I’m the real expert here

I read everything, right down to the fine print and as an expert on experts I have to tell you that they are foolish, churlish morons who couldn’t win an idiot contest without setting their balls on fire.

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Writer/Editor. Drinker of Soy. Eater of Soy. Lover of Soy. Don't judge.