Earth Is Saved! Dinner Meets Art

We heard throwing food at paintings is the way to stop climate change! We love the earth so we glued last night’s dinner to a bunch of stuffy old rich people paintings.

I can’t afford anything in there so might as well draw balls on everything to show those rich people!

We Are Rebellious Rebels Who Rebel

Last night I shellacked my turkey dinner to a plate, and then glued that plate to a priceless masterpiece that has existed for hundreds of years and I did it all to say “hey I drove a car here but no more oil fellas!”

A lady came in and saw my art. She was about to get angry, but I showed her my food plate and said I was only doing what the climate change people told me to do.

She agreed that climate change was real and told me she loved me. She had about 50 of my babies over and over as she proclaimed I am the god of sexing.

She had her entire village come over to my house to have my babies. I have hundreds of babies now!

Mother Earth Guide My Dinner Tonight

Knowing Gaia needs me, I decide to abandon all of my 100 babies and get back to my mission of fighting climate change. Suddenly I’m skipping dinner to glue it to paintings at galleries all over the world.

My frequent flyer miles are adding up and life is great. I’ve finally found a use for all of those leftovers in my fridge.

I skipped dinner and took a world tour of pranks, what did you do for the environment? I bet you’re eating a Styrofoam container and drinking bottled water while clubbing a baby seal to death with your conflict diamond encrusted baseball bat made out of extinct wood.

You’re all pathetic. The climate is changing, do you even care? CAN YOU EVEN CARE YOU CAVEMAN?!

Heroes come in all shapes and sizes, even fat writer shaped

Sure I’m defiling art, but I’m saving the earth. Don’t you get it? I am better than you in every single conceivable way!

I glued some greasy pepperoni pizza to a Picasso right after I tweeted about how precious our mother earth is. So what, we have to make new art but at least those fat cats in the big oil factory will fear me and my dinner!

I bet those fat cats like to paint too, right? Well my girlfriend can beat them up for me. I’m going to paint her on all those Picasso portraits in the museum, then come back later and smother it in Arby’s sauce.

Maybe the fat cats will come home crying and they’ll tweet me to be best friends and I can fly on their jet. I sure am tired of flying coach everywhere and renting cars to drive to my AirBnB and buying all these expensive dinners to glue to paintings.

If only there were a better way to make my voice known, oh well, gotta go, my dinner is ready to be weaponized for the the Captain Planet art hating crusaders.

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Pork Chop

Writer/Contributor. Not like the other girls.