Lynchian Luncheon: David Lynch Is Shipwrecked!

David Lynch is shipwrecked! The great cult filmmaker finds himself marooned in the Galapagos Islands.

What to do, what to do?

You need a plan

Well, he could attempt to build some sort of shelter to survive his blasted oceanic ordeal or maybe he pulls out of the projectors he brought with him in case this very scenario happened.

Before he knows it, a group of chimps surrounds him. They’re fascinated by this avant-garde display of random disjointed scenes whose meaning escapes even the director.

They offer genuine heartfelt smiles and then once more swarm around their mysterious benefactor like bees, led by one particularly hot looking blond chimp named Hermione. They feel that he is part of them and has already accepted their acceptance. So they give each other fruits, berries and interesting twigs.


One chimp asks David if the differences between his work and foreign avant-garde cinema are glaring enough for his work to be considered a piece of art. He just kind of looks down at the grass at the chimps feet before pouting a little bit. David pouts and walks into the sunset smoking a cigarette. It’s almost impossible to make good decisions when you’re trying to please these unapproachable people.

“Could this be all there is?” David asks the camera being held by the camera crew he hired to record his daring survival.

Epiphany strikes creative types after a cigarette

He finishes his cigarette and gets back to the projector. He’s going to show these chimps how it’s done so he erases all documentary footage and begins writing a grand script for the monkeys to act out. Since most of the chimps were laid off from their day jobs they liked the prospect of some good honest Hollywood work.

First day of the shoot

None of them had ever acted before but acting wasn’t as important as the idea that for once, for one fleeting moment in time, he was fully present with his own creativity.

We finally start filming and see none other than Bill Murray the man himself flies in.

“Davey Jones!” Bill Murray says as he grabs at David Lynch playfully.

“William, good to see you.” David says shaking Bill’s hand.

The monkeys are confused, they thought it would be them who would be the star.

Soon every Hollywood actor imaginable shows up for the film. David is schmoozing left and right. He’s really good at it somehow.

Sooner or later someone is shouting action!

Bill Murray is in a giant lobster suit and he’s waddling in to talk to Angelina Jolie who is dressed as a paperboy from 1889. Once again he tries to strangle her or kiss her (it’s not quite clear which) with an extremely large noose tied to the end of a log. Another member of the cast wearing three pairs of those old white diapers is lurking nearby.

David yells “Cut!” and approaches the stage.

He rolls onto his stomach and begins giving direction.

He gives out hugs and high fives like he’s Frank Sinatra.

“It’s come to my attention that both he and Mr. Murray did his part, let’s see if the rest of you bozos can keep up.” David says real short to the cast and crew.

By the time the film is done it is the following year and the audiences back in America are ready. Everyone pretends to like it, and calls it art even though it’s a turd of a film.

In fact everyone comes up to David to congratulate him. Friends like George Lucas request autographs at the wrap party. It’s all so Hollywood. Some might say it is truly Lynchian! SPOOKY!

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Writer/Editor. Drinker of Soy. Eater of Soy. Lover of Soy. Don't judge.