10 Funny Things We Learned From Joining The Police Force

We joined up with our local police force after binge watching all of The Police Academy movies and wanting to stop whoever was responsible for them.

Once we realized they had quit making them we were stuck walking the beat.

10 Funny Things We Learned About Being Cops For A Day

  1. Not everyone greets us when we walk through their neighborhood or on their street with a warm welcome and friendly attitude. Some think it’s cool that we can carry guns, arrest people who use profanity in public places and pepper spray children and pets.
  2. In general the department is filled with really great, talented men and women (mostly) but some police officers are little bitches just like anyone else. STOP EATING MY LUNCH BRIAN!
  3. New residents, especially young ones don’t understand what life behind bars means. A day is 24 hours even if you are doing nothing but sleeping in your bunk. After license plate class you have to go to sleep or we’ll put you to sleep.
  4. Police dogs have terrible sense of humor and should not be partnered with such successful comedians such as ourselves. No jokes about police dogs please or I will take you outside by the leash while the black lab, that has eaten all the bologna, sniffs your hand.
  5. Warrants Smwarants. I am the law in this town!
  6. We didn’t want to do overtime at first so we would call in sick. Take that commissioner! You’re not my boss!
  7. Your city mayor isn’t always a nice person either; he can get real angry if he sees an officer cutting through his lawn in a police cruiser going 90 MPH. What a snowflake! Am I right?
  8. Guns are pretty neat as long as you don’t lose them. We got so excited we shot an innocent bystander’s daughter once with her own gun. Took me 45 minutes to figure out where the bullets went. This was before we got wise enough to plant drugs on the scene because it’s less paperwork if it becomes a federal case.
  9. Once someone called us “Bounty Hunters” which doesn’t sound bad does it? Kind of sexy actually. I think I’ll bleach my mullet tonight.
  10. It seems like most of the crimes that come down to us on the outskirts of town are all dumb as hell. I mean come on, you think I care about that shit? I want a pension! Not this! Stop fighting over lawn gnomes and dirt bikes already.

So there you have it. Policing is hard work especially when you can’t stop pepper spraying your way to the front of the line at the grocery store. But the thing is, you learn more from the easy cases than you do from solving the tough ones.

Yes, we hope this is helpful to those trying to make an honest career choice and yes, we are still cops so if you don’t give us your money you’re going to internet jail! PERMANENTLY!

Is that drugs I smell? You’re busted buddy!

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Bolt Hed

Writer/Contributor. Bolt give me strength.