What Your Tattoos Mean

You got that tattoo for a reason right? It wasn’t just because you had $80 right?

Well in case you don’t have a story about your tattoo, we got you covered!

What your tattoos really mean:

Gangster Tweetie Bird:

This bird don’t take no shit, and neither do you. You got it the night you peeled a guy’s face off just for looking at you the wrong way! Who’s streets? YOUR FUCKING STREETS!

Pussy Whipped Bitch Face Tiger:

Your Badass Love Machine aka your gentials, was in the shape of THIS cat back when you started coming out of your momma’s hoo-haaahaaaaaaa! Now he has grown up into the hunka mahunka bad boy, wearing chains while handing out FREE AIDS to the ho’s he meets!

Mushroom Man With A Cincinnati Bengals Helmet:

Oh look…He must be family because your dad died wearing a Bengals NFL helmet when he decided to climb the roof drunk and show you what real wrestling moves were all about. I bet you caught him there before your old uncle Marko threw him into the pool to resuscitate him.

Giant Wil Wheaton With Muscles:

Not many people know this one but yes Willie Wheenis is famous because he played Dr. Wesley on “Star Trek: The Next Generation.” Oh yeah that’s why he looks so familiar…he starred in TNG with that Mr. Picard dude. So forget him and his sexy muscles!

Wolfpack/Animal Tattoos:

Remember this time when you lived under the bridge next to the dirty dudes who made all those leather dresses they wore? What you didn’t know is the leather was made of people!

Tribal anything:

Way too 1990s, you were probably watching Martin and saying Damn Gina! No idea what tribe you were in but it was a pathetic one. Give ’em some fake Internet tattoos and then post it on the forums!

Cartoon characters:

You are an adult child, so is your girlfriend. Do you really need “Barney” or “Spongebob” riding around everywhere on your ass? We think not! Get an obscure children’s cartoon character to show the world you’ll never grow up.

Street Fighter Guy:

Let’s call the police! No one fucks up my car with cool kick spin moves and gets away with it. If he can manage to get away from my sweet africano bastard Mustang then you don’t scare me, punk.

Beer logos:

You must like beer. It pairs well with beer. How else would you make friends or find people dumb enough to tolerate your inane braying? Unless you ARE drinking absinthe, which is only for the exceptionally insane…or am I exaggerating yet again? NOPE!

Lesbian Gimp Logo:

Mean girl strikes again! She is reminding everyone she cannot control herself even after years of therapy. Sorry mom and dad, pleather for life.

Scorpio Sun Symbol:

According to astrology, you’re a god damn loser! Literally, scorpions are said to sting people who get in the way of their brooding habits. Fuck that! Scorpion bitches can’t even touch this.

Wing Chakra Symbol:

You lost that virginity at 14. Most girls usually throw themselves at you simple for existing. Yeah nice hair bro, nice hair. Fist bump.

TOOL Band Logo:

You’re so deep, oh so deep. Like a river, constantly babbling you won’t shut up about your heroes and how metaphysical they got with your girlfriend. DON’T BE WEIRD!!

Anything related to Star Wars:

Once upon a time, you’re always annoying. Yeah, we get it, Yoda is your only positive role model. Now shut up about siths you cunt. Chewbaccas aren’t even real and if they were, I doubt they’d be friends with a spaceshipless loser like you.