Our Gang Is Recruiting

It’s no secret to run the streets you need a gang, and to have a gang you need gang members. Hence the reason for recruitment.

To join our gang you need to:

– Be punctual. I cannot stress this enough. The boss hates tardiness. Did you think gangs don’t have their scruples? Think again bozo!

– Get tattoos. People with permanent body art are always tough. And respected.

– Do any jobs we ask of you, however mundane they may seem. Consider them payment on your initiation in our club and please be sure that every delivery you make is not hand-delivered by someone else.

– Don’t be a funny guy or a wise guy. Not permitted! We had a guy that did those things but he got blown up by a car bomb. It was messed up.

– Keep quiet at all times except during absolutely unavoidable one on ones. So when a major boss asks a question it must be answered. No matter how stupid or unrelated to the original conversation the answer to the even more stupid question will be added.

Jump on in, the beatings fine

If that applies to you, then we need to jump you in. That’s where we hit you with bats until you ‘re bleeding in various places.

Once finished with those hellish but ultimately mind opening steps, from then on, if you stick out as the sole survivor, both literally and figuratively, you get invited into a circle of comradeship of which there are several crimes that must be committed.

We don’t want to just run the streets we want to own the city and hang out with the mayor. To do that we’re building a ruthless street campaign of which you’ll be the soldier.

This means working harder than everyone around you and going further, doing faster what you’re told too. You want revenge on certain people don’t you? Now might be the time to pull some guns while someone counts your money after you’ve stolen it off some idiot at the car park near the shopping center.

The reality of your new career

So prepare yourself to get asked a lot of dumb questions by cops like where were you Saturday night. Just grab your crotch and say forgetaboutit, and Idontknownothin. Trust me! You don’t, for your own safety.

You might go to prison but don’t worry, you’ll be a made man. A legend among criminals, who probably had an interesting life before being arrested. We may be different but everyone makes sacrifices.

On the subject of ‘being a loser’ that requires no further elaboration. You don’t want that so join today and make your mama proud of her gangster child! Who knows, one day you could walk into a movie theatre with your gun strapped across your belly and steal the whole audience’s tickets, sell them outside and make cashola!

The perks

Beats flipping burgers right? Our gang is the best. We’re a family gang. Brothers protecting each other. In fact that’s why everyone wanted to join us, to protect their brothers. Those bastards didn’t know what our priorities were.

The bosses don’t shit on each others turf does they? They don’t. Don’t be a fool. Not like your brother Tommy. He signed up for a job so shouldn’t complain should he? This gang business can be difficult even if you get paid a few bits. So keep tight, that’s my advice! And help take care of your parents. Who should also join because everyone in the organization shares everything including rent payments, power bills, sodas, cigarettes, pet monkeys, Disney Plus accounts, and anything else you can name. If you think not join today before they deport your entire family. Sorry, sometimes this life gets very cold for us here on the streets.

Just remember our families stand shoulder to shoulder together whatever the weather.

But now back to our boy Felix. His father left him when he was five, drunk and desperate, leaving him and his mother alone. That explains a lot. She spent years serving drinks behind the bar whilst he pursued the streets. He’ll end up just like his father and once he finds the bottle he’s useless.

We all look out for each other in this gang. You do your first ever courier run and I won’t accept failure. Maybe you fall down on some well choreographed stairs. Oh, ah, ooh, my back is broke. We’ll whip you guys till you win that money.

Join today.