The Tim Pool Beanie Baby Scares The Ladies Away

Tim Pool, everybody’s favorite beanie wearing baby is now an official Beanie Baby! Don’t put your live savings into them yet because no one wants them!

Even I don’t want mine and they sent it to me for free.

Beanie meets baby

The Tim Pool Beanie Baby itself is a placid faced bear who wears a beanie to cover up his ‘American History X’ style swastika tattoo or perhaps the shame induced by male pattern baldness. Either way, this Beanie Baby sends all females away in disgust.

Complementing the beanie atop its head is a chin strap beard. A beard which the bear thinks is fashionable and makes him look like he’s in the middle of transitioning to manhood.

This bear needs money

Much like the real Tim Pool this plush toy spends a solitary life devoted to drumming hatred online in exchange for crowd sourced money. A possible red flag to those parents who are wondering: “Is my kid a pathetic incel who won’t pass on my genes because they ward off the opposite sex?”

The beanie baby isn’t even trying to hide his greed anymore as this little bear fears no cancel culture. This little beanie baby does its body weight in Adderall in order to achieve it’s monotonous fast paced high pitched Keebler style voice. One might wonder if this has any similarities to the real Tim Pool.

Take off the beanie, oh wait you CAN’T

Beanie Baby blogs can’t get enough of hating this particular toy, they don’t take it seriously, it unnerves them with how much it refuses to take off that Beanie. Is it sown on?!?

This Beanie Baby has never felt a sense of urgency or remorse about being a jerk, in fact, he has a sense of pride in it.

One of the most disturbing things about the Tim Pool Beanie Baby is that it even admits that its only reason for existence is to be offensive.

Not on anyone’s wishlist

I bet if you got one of these on Christmas morning, you’ll probably throw it directly into the fireplace.

The Tim Pool Beanie Baby is an embarrassment to everyone who has ever had the displeasure of seeing it, but a small pocket of disenfranchised weirdos love it. They go home at night and donate to the beanie baby and they give it a little peck on the cheek before they lay down with their anime wife pillow. GRR REAL WOMEN! AM I RIGHT GUYS

Sad Expressionless Bear

The Tim Pool Beanie Baby makes us feel sad, just looking at it you know it smells weird even after being washed.

The bear insists its the oversensitive leftist beanie baby collectors that are causing the problem and not its horrible stimulant addiction and predisposition towards misogyny.

Cancel it, abort the product

I hate this fucking thing and I wish it was never made. It claims aborting it would have been murder but I think if the company would have never made this product everyone in society would be a lot happier.

To the bear I say: I love America, I love women, and I hate the fact that you don’t understand that!

Avatar photo


Writer/Contributor. Feminist. Hates Working Here.