This just in: a comedian you’ve never heard of was complaining about cancel culture! What did he do? He won’t say but he’s tired of all these ‘woke types’.
Wake up wokes
You know what woke people are, right? Well this free thinker, he can’t stand them and their “tolerance”! They’re ruining everything!
“BOOOOOOO!” yells the crowed.
“You woke liberal snowflakes just can’t handle comedy!” he says as he leaves in a hail of garbage and beer bottles.
Who is right, who is wrong, who can I sue?
Is he right? Is hating bad comedians the equivalent of canceling them? To answer this question we went to our racist uncle but we can’t post what he said. Let’s just say it wasn’t appropriate from 2022.
Searching for answers we looked to famous race-baiter, Kanye West, for guidance. He called his security guards on us and we cried because we thought he was on our side.
The cancel culture comedian is on the run. From what? Being canceled of course.
How does cancel culture work? It means behave or I’ll turn this internet around.
RIP Comedy (Vaudeville – 2020)
Comedy is dead and if you ask who killed it, you just hear a bunch of lazy mumbling about woke this and woke that. Just remember now, we all bleed the same color blood and every day there is an overlord above us telling us not to laugh.
You can’t ask why not, you just have to laugh at home in a sound proof closet. Comedy has become so politically correct that you can run for office while being a comedian.
Yikes. Who is the real cancel culture goon squad?
Some say its the Twitter people who are so pale and fat it’s been two seasons since they last saw the sun. The sun they of course refer to as the star of burning and they fear it’s warm glow on their gnarled fingers.
Others say it’s a council of radicals who frequent trendy eateries on the west coast on Thursday nights where people drink too much gluten free kale juice to deal with things like being stuck on a flight with someone from a flyover state.
Only one truth remains: every comedian must be against cancel culture, even if you’re unknown and saying things that everyone approves of.
We thank these comedian martyrs for dying for the sins of our collective funny bones.
Not as hard as working out, but still it wasn’t easy. They had to stay up until 1 am to tell you all about comedy and cancel culture.
Next thing you know you’re checking out their podcast which is 6 hours of them eating potato chips and flipping through the newspaper. Is this content?
The next morning you wake up hungover after sleeping straight through Netflix Black Mirror season 4. You’re convinced cancel culture is right behind you like Slenderman. You’re hiding in the laundry, and then it occurs to you: I’ll become a comedian and warn others about cancel culture.
And soon enough my family lost faith in me.
My dad no longer comes to visit and writes offensive emails to his high school wrestling coach. My mother told me when I grew up she hoped I became a ditch digger rather than a no-brained writer with a harem of bimbos.
It was too late. The corruptive cancellation power of Twitter was sucking me in. I tweeted jokes every hour without skipping a beat. This epidemic was sweeping across Twitter faster than the Ebola virus.
Soon thousands were under a full-blown compulsion to talk of cancel culture.
Frankenstein’s monster had been set loose one open mic night at a time.