Oscars: Will Smith DECAPITATES Chris Rock

Did you see the fight at the Oscars last night? We hope this sort of violence will be a regular occurrence at every celeb-laden event.

Ratings plummeting

First, great last ditch effort for them to get people interested in celebrities blowing each other for mediocre movies that make up the bulk of “Hollywood accounting” projects.

Inject a fight into the whole ceremony especially at a time when no one gives a damn about the Oscars or celebrities because of the growing financial crisis, fantastic ploy!

No accountability

This works better than having star of the shitty version of The Office, Ricky Gervais, calling them out for using Epstein’s pedo services, something of which they’ve all evaded accountability in a post #MeToo movement.

“Damn all this cancel culture!!!” – All of Hollywood in unison, still at the scene of their latest crime.

GI Jane 2, coming to a theater near you

For the record we think Jada Smith would be great in GI Jane 2, and it’s hilarious to see Mr. Xenu himself, Will Smith not have any sense of humor. Whoever scripted this whole thing should write for the new gritty reboot of Fresh Prince because it’s contrived to the point of annoyed disbelief.

The narrative: Will Smith has been a joke his whole life and he’s angry and surprised that people are noticing.

So what if Will Smith jumped on stage and gingerly slapped Chris Rock in the Oscar’s first pro wrestling bout?

This doesn’t mean Hollywood is an ancient vestige of the vaudevillian culture, no it means that these motion pictures are what all the kids are gonna be talking about! If you want to make a motion picture you need some celebrities (raping or not raping innocents), a script, a budget, and my cousin Sal F. Moneyberg to do the accounting. What profits? Hah! Shell companies are the best.

Correcting the headline

I’m told now by my staff that Will Smith used his Hancock abilities to decapitate Chris Rock when it cut to commercial. This was a super real fight guys, it got really heated and in a room full of actors let me tell you that this was not THEATER!

BONUS FIGHT BETWEEN LUCY LIU AND SNOOP DOGG! Senior citizens fighting would have been comical and Will Smith probably would have approved because he’ll clap along to anything for millions of dollars including invented controversies pulled straight from the pages of the WWE plot book.

I don’t really care, do you?

No one is interested in The Oscars anymore. No one ever was.

It’s an industry ceremony that these lunatics think normal people want to watch. You can have all the fake controversy you want but in reality we all see Hollywood imploding from the outside.

These little exhibition matches of feigning credibility won’t save you from real accountability.

You can’t just pal up to the world’s biggest human trafficker, have a comedian go “haha pedos”, and have Tom Hanks make a stink-face and it’s kosher.

Then a year later have an overpaid rapper turned actor slap a comedian and call it a day.

No Epstein clients were arrested, but weren’t the victims minors? DISGUSTING!


Real fights next time

Next Oscars how about real fights? How about Werewolves Vs Megalodons?! We know you have the special effects budget you stingy pricks.

Or how about you Hollywood types just rot in jail for raping people?

Where the fuck is Superman when it comes to the casting couch? The answer is: probably joining the A list celebs in a rape session.

Don’t worry about all the rape though, the Oscar controversies will make it all clean again!

Three cheers for Hollywood luminaries!

If the confrontation were real don’t you think he would have hit him harder? Does Will Smith lose his temper often and act like there are no consequences? Life isn’t a movie, Mr. Smith. You’re not Mohamed Ali for real, dumbass.

Why is Chris Rock not pressing charges? I would in a heartbeat. You slap me for insulting your wife, and I call the cops.