Morbius Is Unemployed Now

This is the sequel to the new Morbius movie that shows the aftermath of the first one. It’s very top secret and Sony would probably sue me and send Rumpelstiltskin after my first born child. He’s the best lawyer out there after all.

Anyway here is the leaked script for Morbius II: Unemployed With A Vengeance


“Drat!” Morbius exclaims, adjusting himself in a metal chair. He waves the other producers to move out of view, eyeing them carefully from under a curtain of eyelashes.

“I was hoping that promotion of the film would boost our ticket sales again.”

“The promotion didn’t help at all,” one producer gasps, covering his face as he coughs on a runny nose.

“Wait a minute. I had thought–how many seats did we actually sell?” Morbius queries, glancing down at his stylized finger pads.

His eyes brighten. “One thousand… five hundred and seventy eight. That means…you used up all the last-minute tickets?”

Morbius turns toward another, more sturdy man with thinning black hair and rectangular glasses.

“Do you have any idea how much trouble you’ve caused me? Your assistant spent three months researching American markets, which apparently is not enough! I’m ruined! RUINED! Nothing I do will be worth anything ever again.”

“You can’t take it personally,” another female employee says, stepping up to defend the director.

“Of course he can! Everyone should be able to take something personally.” The black haired producer rolls his eyes.

Morbius then begins to stare out a raining window, wondering how he’s going to pay his Disney+, Netflix, Amazon Prime, Peacock TV, and Sling memberships this month. He wonders how he will feed himself, he has grown accustomed to prime rib for breakfast.

“What am I going to do?” Morbius exclaims to himself as he ponders aloud on his million dollar dilemma. “Starve?”

“You could always try the unemployment office for your next project,” several voices suggest.

He looks over at his new intern Mitzi Goldstein who smiles encouragingly at him.

“But before I even consider suicide,” Morbius shakes his head, “What’s the first thing you do when starting a movie production?”

All the staff look at one another in confusion, none of them really knowing what to say.

“Um, buy popcorn?” one intern said finally.

Morbius looks upset by this answer. “No, you make sure people WANT TO SEE THE GOD DAMN MOVIE FIRST!”

“Okay, sir,” the interns start nodding nervously in understanding.

Then he turns back towards Mitzi.

“Is that your understanding as well?”

She nods her head emphatically and bites her lip nervously as she tries not to smile.

Morbius paces around in the now empty boardroom room. He had no clue what his life was going to look like. Imagine him, working a 9-5 job. He’s going to have to work overtime after all to keep his standard of living.

He sighs deeply and begins contemplating throwing himself off the 40th floor roof.

Then he gets an idea! He decides to use the last bastion of American financial dignity, OnlyFans! Only $15 a month to get freaky pictures of Morbius. Pretty good deal he thought. Besides, all these young actresses want to fuck him anyway; better to support their artistic dreams instead of continuing his futile attempts at getting back into the film industry.

From a cozy seat on the floor, Morbius sits and signs up for OnlyFans. Finally he had upward momentum in the fast paced world of American culture.

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Writer/Editor. Drinker of Soy. Eater of Soy. Lover of Soy. Don't judge.