Every night I take a milk bath in about 50 gallons of milk, but not just any milk. No sir, I use baby formula as I find it keeps my skin youthful!
If there’s one thing I am concerned about it is looking like I am young. It means the world to me.
The formula itself contains all kinds of healthy vitamins, minerals and hormones to keep your body younger and increase my beauty, but for today let’s just stick with what matters most. You see every day that people are aging all around you, some of them turning into skeletons. I am terrified of skeletons! That’s why I must take my nightly formula bath.
It also helps that there are no pesticides or chemicals in this baby formula, unlike other products that pollute our environment. In fact all my nutritional needs are covered by formula since when I am not bathing I am also drinking it. Milk alone is not really sufficient for me because without formula I would be dead already.
You may wonder how I can trust the product of science? Well that’s not something you need to concerned about! I AM THE SCIENCE MAN!
I am an engineer who invented formula baths. Yes, the same formula which allows me to stay young. I realize this shortage was probably solely due to me, but if you look at my wrinkle-free face, you’ll find that it was all worth it. If anything you should all thank me as it is thanks to my invention that we are all having such happy lives.
Look at the ingredients some time it has everything you need. All your faves: Calcium Lactate Sodium Phosphate potassium lactose Lactulose Manitol Oligomerized Human Serum Albumin Alpha Lipoic Acid Nicotinamide Riboflavin Vitamin B6 Gluconate Vitamin B12 Folic Acid Vanadium Chloride Tin Iodide Ionic Selenium and more.
Wow I’ve never seen all these in one place before. Other than in vegetables and we all know I refuse to eat my vegetables! Who knows maybe this is a conspiracy orchestrated by the food company!
I plan on buying another semi-truck full of baby formula to celebrate the end of the shortage. As for the price, I don’t have any complaints; it’s pretty affordable and perfect for bath time. Heck, for most people it is cheaper than printer ink! Am I right Geek Squad?
Danger! Danger!! Keep away from the baby formula! It’s all mine and I’m the biggest baby around just ask anybody who really knows me. Like Baby Barack you could say.
I, of course, am Barack Obama.
I love printing so much I hate technology, especially reading screens and learning to read blue books. All hail drone strikes, and formula.
