Spiritual? I’m A Shaman Bro!

Dude, I’m a shaman, I think I know a thing or two about the spirit world, OK?! You think you’re spiritual but you haven’t even seen the machine elves in the DMT realm. You wouldn’t believe your eyes, dude, trust me on this one.

Oh, so you don’t believe me. That’s a tough luck. Who are you trying to kid? You have no idea how true my words are and now that I’ve passed the boundaries of mere mortals and stepped across into the weird world that is revealed to us through hallucinogens I can safely tell you I am right, you are wrong, just leave me alone and fuck off!!

A little help from my friends

If only the media would get it though, they’d back me financially and I could be a shaman full time. While you were out scoring Foo Fighters tickets I was traversing the astral plane! Believe me, nothing is as fantastic as being given free access to the other worlds. You maybe know about people like me, but have you ever seen the benevolent beings in the DMT realm? I have and they told me the world is all about love and peace and harmony.

You see guys this is not just a big laugh. It takes a lot more than one hallucinogenic substance and a lot of discipline to get drugged out of your mind after your split shift at Denny’s. We need to be medicated properly, where do we turn? Who do we look to for guidance? (Yeah, let me hear some music now.) EXCUSE ME WHILE I KISS THE SKY!

Your ignorance blinds you, ignoramus

You wouldn’t know anything about living life. We exist on Earth, every man, woman and child, every dog and cat, every bird and fish. We come from everywhere and we belong to everyone. Everyone belongs here, that’s why I can’t understand why you’re so fucking high-and-mighty-because-you-think-you-know-the-way-things-are-supposed-to-be-in-this-fucking-world. Fuck, I can’t even cast this spell because I am so angry about it!

Experience is its own teacher

I’ve seen some things, the walls melting, my landlord giving me eviction notices, mysterious voices from the neighbor’s apartment, strangers in the street telling me they’ll give me something important when they feel like it, babies born with no brains, where does that leave the world? IT’S ALL ABOUT LOVING YOURSELF!!! Don’t worry too much, life is all about chillaxing. I think I know a thing or two as a professional shaman.

On my business card it reads ‘Shaman Extraordinaire’ and then under that it says ‘The way back to the natural flow.’ Take a look around you folks. The natural flow is here now. Look at how colorful everything is – how green and healthy everything is. The natural flow permeates every strand of energy, the earth is alive! Listen to your heart as well, it knows what’s best.

The days of unguided animal nature are over. I think it’s kicking in, I have to go stare at my walls for 12 hours.