Brad Pitt Doesn’t Have An Anger Problem

Brad Pitt doesn’t have a temper problem! YOU DO! Oh you gonna cry now? CRY LIKE A STUPID IDIOT?!

So what if his ex-wife says he’s a bad person, he’s not! Tyler Durden wouldn’t hurt a fly!


Look, if you didn’t want the walls with holes punched in them then WHY DO YOU ASK SO MANY STUPID QUESTIONS?! GAHHHH! You’re pissing me off again Angelina! Kids complain, they do. If me and Brad had it our way, these little whiny brats would be in a coal mine somewhere hauling out sweet carbonated nuggets to keep our shitty cities energized and our skies blackened with soot and smoke.


We’d cut all of their fingers off and stuff their mouths full of dirt to stop them from whining, but noooo… Angelina insisted that we let those motherfuckers breathe… so we tried putting blindfolds on them so they can’t see the world around them and all that shit, but still she wants to bitch and moan! Whiney bimbo!

Oh man… your lips are really shiny. Maybe I could forgive you? See what you do to me? You get me all wound up. It’s all your fault, you the victim, you did this to yourself.


See how angry you make me? Maybe if you take it easy for a minute and leave me alone I’ll calm down and forget this ever happened. Promise. Don’t touch me though, you know I don’t like it when you mess with arm hairs when I’m angry. I SAID I’LL GIVE YOU A SHINER TO MATCH YOU DUMB BROAD! FUCK OFF YOU WHORE! I DON’T CARE IF YOU CAN’T SEE ANYMORE… JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

So in closing, grow the fuck up or I’ll throw you into a trash compactor and listen to your bones crunch to prove to you how calm I truly am! And next time, maybe try brushing before leaving the house.

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Writer/Editor. Drinker of Soy. Eater of Soy. Lover of Soy. Don't judge.