Drew Barrymore visited the writers strike after her show and doesn’t understand why they’re so mad. After all can’t their famous father just get them acting roles as a child? That’s what she does when she finds herself hard up for cash and I can’t say I blame her.
DIRTY, DIRTY WRITERS
Look at those writers in the street. Coal soot on their faces, bags under their eyes, looking like they haven’t slept since the dawn of television. Some even got pebbles for hair. That’s right they’re taping rocks to their heads!
And then there is Barrymore herself looking glamorous with beautiful long hair, rosy cheeks, and probably wearing expensive jewelry that cost more than their collective salaries. If only they could have been a nepobaby like brain-dead Hollywood bimbo Drew Barrymore.
She’s doing her show without writers and she’s running around the stage shouting “I’M DREW BARRYMORE, HEY GUYS, I’M STILL DREW BARRYMORE!”
OLIVER TWIST – SHAMALAN STYLE
Outside people are starving and she’s eating a giant turkey leg spitting it out while she’s barking orders at her personal assistant who won’t stop crying.
All this isn’t enough for her, though. She’s not satisfied until she takes every dollar from everyone else, spending it on things like fancy catered food that looks good but doesn’t taste good. Then there are things like bottles of Cristal she puts up her butt just to take a daily shit. That’s the way celebrities do things! ALL CELEBS DO THIS!
You may ask yourself “is Drew Barrymore a boring cunt who should be canceled?” and you’d be wrong to think that because she is a woman and women never do anything wrong. Especially if they’re white, rich, famous, and their dad made them famous.
If you dare call the “proud acting dynasty” by names like “nepotism” then you’re on the same level as Hitler, Charles Manson, and Osama Bin Laden. Don’t ever speak bad about someone famous! EVER!
Also fuck you! Hitler Manson Bin Laden!
I KNOW WHAT WILL HELP!
Drew Barrymore decides to take the populist approach and keep doing what she’s doing but digging her toes in the dirt and saying “sowwy guys, I’m just a widdle nepobaby” before giggling and going back to flirting with her male audience members. Drew does her little strumpet shtick and then goes home to her opulent mansion that is the wizard’s fortress as seen in The Wizard Of Oz.
‘There Goes My Hero’ plays as she grabs a bottle Cristal and says “I think things are going to be alright!” and winks at the camera.
Credits roll.
THERE! IS THAT SO HARD WRITERS? IS THAT SO FUCKING HARD?!?!?!?!?!?!?! BY THE WAY, I ATE A BOLOGNA SANDWICH WHILE I WROTE THIS. ALSO PLEASE UNCHAIN ME FROM THIS RADIATOR. I’VE WRITTEN YOU ENOUGH ARTICLES AND MY FAMILY IS LOOKING FOR ME.
