The British Accent Is DISGUSTING

The British accent has always been as much a part of Britain as tea and crumpets, smoking pipes and kissing a Queen’s ass. It is used in American marketing and is portrayed as refined and someone sophisticated but to us the British accent sounds awful!

Orange you glad I didn’t say lift?

Listen to any common native speaker (even Americans) and they will agree. The English sniffle their nose a lot, they live on a rainy island that’s cold a lot. They also whine. Lots of whining. They’re so passive aggressive about their whining too. If something pisses them off, they pout like a toddler, and start making very vague inferences pretending they’re clever.

They say weird shit that people in America mimic to sound eloquent. I have news for you American losers, calling someone mate doesn’t make you eloquent or cultured. It says to my ears that you’d be working for the redcoats, stabbing lady liberty in the back and tea bagging Benjamin Franklin instead of doing that whole Boston Tea Party rebellion thing that lead to our wonderful freedom!

Yanker Wanker

The British usually refer to us Americans as Yanks (Yankees) in a way we don’t appreciate it. Some self deprecating Americans will self identify as a “Yank” in order to impress a British person because they think all Englishman have a magical power to bestow royal jubilees and a kiss from Hugh Grant.

They don’t go to college they go to “University”. They also don’t have wives because they all live at home with their mother.

You might think this is a lie, but it is because the Queen and the aristocrats own all the good land. How regal!

Superiority complex

The British tones are not superior sounding in any way. If they spoke like southern United States hillbillies no one would be hiring them to read the voice over parts. Hollywood likes British accents because England’s royalty, of course, does lots of Epstein level shopping.

And then there is slang. I can’t understand anything in Lockstock and Two Smoking Barrels and I can’t believe those gutter people created the language I now speak.

Thank goodness for the revolutionary war and all those lobsterbacks deserved it for tolerating such an insufferable idea such as monarchy.

Oh say can’t you see

We all know Abe Lincoln could fist fight the Queen of England and she’s too cowardly to step foot to the Lincoln Memorial because she knows he’ll step up to the plate and knock the crown right off her god damn mummy head.

Abe Lincoln will cut her down with some of his greatest quote ever. He’s always walking into parties after the British played kickball. Everyone thinks he’s fucking awesome because he has a log cabin. Everyone in the world except the Queen . She remembers how everyone laughed at her when she tried to be well mannered. They can’t take that away.

Sinus tones

There is nothing refined about a sinus infection and lethargic passive aggression punctuated by something as boring as “tea time”.

Don’t try to mock me with a Monty Python movie, we get it, you think shrill British people are HILARIOUS. You’re wrong, the whole British empire is wrong and we should have sold the UK to the space aliens in the 1950s. Just sayin’.

Don’t even get me started on Big Ben. Stupid dumb clock has nothing on Lady Liberty who the French had good sense to give to us instead of letting it go to waste there.

God Bless America and every accent other than British. Even the Irish accent is preferable, there is a fun leprechaun style banter that we enjoy. It must be all that making out with the Blarney Stone they do there.

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Writer/Contributor. Likes working out, drinking slime, and hassling nerds.