Become A Patron Or The Puppy Gets It

You should consider becoming a patron today or else this cute innocent puppy gets it!

What do you mean by ‘it’? Well we haven’t decided yet.

We figured with the sword of damocles dangling above the canine’s head we’d crowd source his fate!

Strife in life

We need money… bad! Dog food it costs money. Server bills are like $3 a month, who the fuck can afford that? Alimony to that whore, oh boy don’t get me started on her.

You count on us for your digital humor but we’re really bad with money. Hobbies? What the hell is that? People doing stuff without getting paid, that’s probably something mentally impaired people do. We’re lucky to live in an age where so many artists and creatives are prostrating themselves in public for pocket money.

A mile in my payless shoes

Let me paint a picture for you: You’re poor. You got evicted from your studio apartment. You’ve already sold all of your possessions to pay your crippling student loans. You’re living on bologna sandwiches, half-pint beers and you make a super cool website for other people.

Why get a job when dumbasses online like to give $5, or $10 here and there? Well that’s easy when you’re making lowest common denominator content for mouth breathers who refuse to read books.

Our job is a lot harder because we have this god damn puppy always wanting food and walks and we’re trying to give you quality entertainment. If you could just spot us, your heroes, $10 until next payday that’d be real solid of you.

Become a patron, or else!

Otherwise consider the fate of the puppy:

  • Woodchipper. Fargo kicks ass!
  • Korean BBQ (Treating it to a good meal out, what did you think?)
  • Telling Twitter its an alt-right puppy who is anti-vax
  • Dressing it like a rooster for cockfighting. Don’t forget to place side bets.
  • Launching it into space so Jeff Bezos can devour it like Saturn. He gets hungry all alone up there.

A hard sell huh? Let me get my greasy newspaper to give your windshield a cleaning. This is what we want our creatives doing in the 21st century.