Oh yeah, we got new tasteful merch. Merch should always be tasteful I always say that is until I look at my gambling debts and start freaking out.
Check out this new “I KILLED BOB SAGET” shirt. People are saying he was murdered. Was he? I don’t know but now you can give us money to take credit! Kevin Hart did the photo op for half a million dollars, but it’ll be worth it once Zazzle cuts us our $0.45 check for store bucks.
How about this new shirt, “Kiss me I’m Elon Musk”? Perfect for forcing entertainment starlets into marriage and naming your kids after your home planet.
Now let’s check out the new merch. These hoodies come with an image of Tinkerbell on the front so she will get rid of all your sins. Don’t worry though, since Disney just bought her this whole store burned down anyway.
“Oh you don’t like our lawyers?” – Disney
Merch is stupid, no one wants your crappy design that peels off after 23058 washes. They want MY merch that washes off in 50 washes! Far less washing to get to an overpriced blank shirt.
I have a ton of other ideas too but I’ve got to steal them from other designers first. See you on the flip side, herpes monkeys! I call my loyalest readers herpes monkeys so if you want to be in the with the gang you have to get herpes too! Yes, it’s given by an actual contagion monkey. No you cannot keep him.
Bob Saget loved Mutant Bunker. He read it every single day of his life. We’re sorry we lost a reader but merch sales is merch sales.