Did you get a haircut Mr. President? Oh, just a pecker chopping and a boob job? Amazing leadership abilities if I do say so myself. Mr. President, thank you for ushering in a new era in America where a President can also be a first lady if they so want to.
AN AMAZING MOMENT IN HERSTORY!
This is pretty much the science fiction utopia we were promised in the 1970s and I have a red white and blue tear running down my face. It’s joy crying! I am emotional because here I am watching Biden in his 80s become the woman I always knew he could be. Not only has he transformed himself but he’s also reading to children!
Nothing will help the cause more than this doddering old man and his silicone boob job swinging around in between passages of Clifford and Harry Potter. It’s like every fantasy coming true at once. This is the America we all dreamed of. Where power and magic is as interchangeable as gender roles. President Biden isn’t just a hero but a demigod roaming the earth making the world a better place one day at a time.
The children scream and run away from him but they are the children of bigots and we will systematically exterminate them in our tolerance chamber. The room is lined with screens showing images of happy kids enjoying their new Shedads who will always put the little people before themselves. Only moments ago he stopped by with snacks for them and they cheered before screaming and running away again.
Women are equal! Transwomen presidents are equal-er!
Mr. Biden: I’d like to tell you how proud of you I am for rising to occasion. Giving the ol’ Italian sausage a snip snip and trying vegetarian pizza!
What an amazing effort that must have been for someone with such weak legs and wrinkly breasts. You can trust me, I’m a frail boneless blob of meat with two eyes and an unfulfilled destiny begging for government BeyondMeat cheese-burger subsidy.
He may be our president but he’s my hero. The way his liver spots accent his bikini line is something out of the mural on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. As a ‘blue no matter who’ type person you can rest assured that once your pecker is chopped clean off, then you will be accepted into the heart and soul of the Democratic Party.
Then you’ll be allowed to work yourself through some anti-depressants oh yeah and lots of estrogen. You don’t want your dick to grow back do you? I know I don’t.
Biden did have some parting words for today’s youth:
“When I’m done with America all of your sons will be daughters and they will be reading to other people’s sons to be daughters. It is my master plan, in addition I am also raising gas prices and personally derailing trains from now on. Every disaster I will cause, throughout the coasts and America’s vibrant heartland, until the country collapses under my weight.”
** —Transcript taken directly from a live feed.**
Special thanks to the MSNBC news team for chopping off my penis for me.
SUPER REAL TWEETS! NOT MISINFO! DISINFO! OR EVEN INFO!
(TWITTER IS THE EQUIVALENT TO ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA….NOT! PSYCH!)
