Can Pauly Shore Just Die Already?

It’s true that Pauly Shore is still alive but there’s still hope that he won’t be soon. I mean, just look at him, he looks like a deadbeat who hasn’t washed since the 90s and his clothes smell like moldy socks.

He could easily go to jail for shitty movies that nobody ever watches. Even worse, he keeps thinking he’s better than everyone else, even though he’s not. Pauly Shore is a garbage human being who should die as soon as possible. The entire world would be a better place without him and it’d be nice if he went away forever.

So, can he just die already?

Some people say he’s a nepobaby but it’s obvious he is a nepoman. If it’s not just PR then it’s completely clear Richard Simmons wants nothing to do with him, Gene Simmons probably doesn’t either. Who knows what kind of shit he’s going through right now?

I bet Gene’s been trying to get a restraining order against him because he’s so scary looking. I mean, how many times have you seen a picture of Pauly recently?

How did Pauly Shore even get famous? He’s never done anything good in his life, let alone make a good movie. His acting is terrible, his jokes are bad, and his personality is just annoying. The stoner slacker persona was fake, the comedy was fake, what about him is real?

I bet he has problems with women, he probably has some weird fetish or something. Troy McClure anybody?

Where has he been?

It’s hard to believe that this guy is still alive. His career died before the 1990s even ended why are we even entertaining his existence?

Big plans for washups

This crap country allowing a bunch of losers like this to stay around is ridiculous. They’re all scumbags who have no talent and will only continue to disappoint us.

When he’s dead I’ll say “I’m glad that he’s finally gone, hopefully he’ll never come back.” and we’ll all bury Tom Green with him, dead or alive. Send all these talentless hacks back to the compost heap from where they crawled out of and then burn them at the stake. We don’t need any more Paulys. No more Toms.

Okay maybe it’s a little extreme but I never asked him to shout at me from my TV and then come back out of no where 30 years later. He’s not funny anymore, he’s just a creepy old man who needs to die.

EDITOR’S NOTE: We hope they both live forever until the heat death of the universe.

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Kelley Lispy

Oh honey, bios are so 2019