Saint Anne Heche Dies After Coke Binge, Destroys Home

Anne Heche went on a coke bender and crashed into a house and now we’re supposed to pretend we’ve thought about her once in the past 25 years?

I don’t think so.

Nobody is perfect but Hollywood is just corrupt

This posthumous sainthood given to celebrities after they die must end. Why?

Well the news is fixating on her struggle in the hospital and not the carnage she caused.

She destroyed a house because she was too selfish to take a fucking taxi.

Let’s get political and screech like eagles for a moment

If you or I did that we’d be tarred and feathered, our kids spit on, our wives slapped around by the chief of police.

People would be pointing at us as soon as we left the parking lot trying to get their hitman friends to take our whole bloodline out in a night of virtue purging.

Is this what it has come to libs? Really? You’re gonna aim your Leon sniper rifle at me, well I’m a woman now so no women and no children. Checkmate, libs.


Anne Heche should have taken a taxi to rehab, then she’d still be alive and we’d still be able to forget she existed instead of her being made into a lesbian martyr for the ages.

What sort of deals do you make with PR companies that they have to sanitize your image after you die? What does that cost? I’m gonna need it.

I’m a nightcrawler now

Enough fawning over the visceral details people. She died just as she lived, on drugs driving too fast and endangering others. To pretend she made some sort of impact in our lives would just be a lie.

Even Ellen didn’t give a shit and she is known for her emotional sensitivity. I often think how much better my life would be if Ellen would say “There there, there there.” as she chops off my penis because she hates men.

I’m afraid to sit in my own home

Anne Heche has permanently scarred the owner of the house.

Can you imagine you’re just watching some Hollywood drek, relaxing, trying to forget about your mundane life when a coked out Anne Heche flies in with her car. Try explaining that one to your insurance agent who totally isn’t a lizardman in a man disguise. You’re digging through the rubble trying to save your MacFarlane toy collection but they’re all ruined.

You’re like WTF but also you cannot just sit and relax at home ever again. What about the bedroom that faces the street? Short answer: you’re fucked.

She will live the rest of her life afraid of her own home because of Saint Anne Heche who couldn’t afford a cab or rehab.

Hollyweird, right folks?

Hollywood is weird, Hollywood is selfish, and if you’re not careful Hollywood will come crashing into your living room whether you like it or not so buckle up and prepare to die because cocaine isn’t going anywhere and neither is their fame nor fortune.

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Writer/Contributor. Feminist. Hates Working Here.