Eagle Dave finished his dojo training and went to his garage to see how much money he made selling his comic books yesterday. His wife was there working on her machine.
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“How did you make out?” asked Dave.
“Good. I sold three hundred dollars worth of comics today.” said Mrs. Dave. “And the first comic book collector came back for more today!”
Dave smiled. “I’m glad it’s going so well.” He got up and helped his wife pack the comics into boxes.
The comics were delivered to people all over town and even though people enjoyed them, they couldn’t afford them. Inflation was the monster plaguing the people of the world. Eagle Dave narrowed his eyes as he walked past the bank.
The United States had been in recession for the last twenty years or so and no one knew when it would end. People were angry. And Eagle Dave liked money but there was less and less in his bank account. The evil banker and grocer magnate lit their cigars with $1,000,000 bills, thinking it would make them feel richer.
Eagle Dave grabbed the banker by the collar, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY MONEY?”
“WELL, YOU GAVE IT TO US! WE’RE SAVING THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND YOUR MONEY IS NEEDED TO BUY GOOD WILL WITH OUR ENEMIES IN EUROPE!!” the greedy banker yelled back at Eagle Dave.
“WHAT?? HOW CAN YOU SPEND THAT MUCH MONEY?!!?” Eagle Dave demanded.
The banker chuckled, “Don’t worry. We’ll make money on the good will and if not, we can just print some more. Easy! What else could possibly go wrong?”
Before Eagle Dave could say anything, a huge gust of wind blew open the doors of the building and the big meteor crashed into the parking lot!
The damage from the crash was incredible. Buildings were knocked down, cars overturned, gas stations exploded. “NOOOOOOO!!” screamed thousands of shocked citizens as they ran away from the scene. Eagle Dave ran towards the giant fireball of destruction.
“Eagle Dave, help us!” someone shouted as they pointed as the inflation monster ripped them in half, drinking their dripping blood like some kind of evil demon.
Eagle Dave flew into the sky, ready to fight this villainous invader from another dimension.
“HEIL HITLER!” the inflation monster’s scream echoed through the city.
Eagle Dave loved his money and more than his money he loved punching nazis.
He rolled up his sleeves, all of them, in preparation for what was sure to be a long and arduous battle.
As he drew closer, Eagle Dave saw something unusual. It was a dwarf from Lord of The Rings cosplay wearing a ski mask and wielding a toy lightsaber.
“WHAAT??? WAAAHAT???” gasped Eagle Dave.
“I am your new master, inflation!” said the tiny man in front of him.
The monster ate the cosplayer immediately, blood dripping from his crooked jagged toothed smile.
Eagle Dave decided to use his ultimate power and transform into golden eagle mode, something that might kill him. As dangerous as it was to him, he knew the extra edge was need to fight this monster and win.
With golden eagle wings on his back, Eagle Dave took off into the sky, soaring above the carnage. As he approached the inflated monsters legs, he began flapping his wings and yelling very loudly to attract its attention.
“IT’S GO TIME,” bellowed Eagle Dave.
Inflation monster stopped eating people and starting laughing and looked up at the large golden eagle that was circling around him.
“OH SHIT!! IT’S COMING FOR ME!!! OH GOD THIS IS AWFUL!!!!” cried the monster in fright.
But it was too late. Eagle Dave landed on the inflation monster’s right foot, smashing the area with such force that it broke the laws of physics and gravity.
At that moment the inflation monster shrunk down to the size of a pea. Eagle Dave smashed the pea with his fingers. His wife and harem of side girlfriends rushed to him, all caressing his vascular and veiny man muscles.
The inflation monster, now slime on the ground, whimpered and retreated to his safe haven, its head still swollen with fear. But Eagle Dave wasn’t done he flew to the president’s mansion.
“Sup, Dave?” the president said from behind a scarface sized mountain of cocaine.
“Uh, Mr. President you have something on your face.” Dave said.
“Don’t mind that, now what can I do for you?” the president said, putting Dave at ease.
“I have defeated the inflation monster. If you agree, I want to destroy all of our currency and replace it with solid gold coins.” said Eagle Dave.
The president nodded, “That sounds awesome. Good idea!”
Everyone lived happily ever after, as a divorced libertarian.
Directed by Eagle Dave
Written by Eagle Dave
Produced by Eagle Dave’s Father
Based on A True Story by Eagle Dave
No one was molested or raped during the filming of this movie but quite a few animals were harmed in scenes we had to delete because that’s just messed up man. IT’S REAL MESSED UP MAN.
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