House Of The Dragon Doesn’t Capture The Magic Of The Original

Game of Thrones has a new series and it’s a little bit like waking up to find your step dad wearing a wig that looks like your real dad’s hair and he’s trying to sound like your dad but he’s not OK!?

The show is full of bittersweet memories tarnished forever by a lackluster season 8, which we rewrote into something beautiful.

Do you believe in magic?

House of The Dragon fails to capture the lightning in a bottle and is more like a flat soda.

Yeah it bears the logo but is it really Coca Cola or are you trying to sell me RC cola in a different can?

Just another show full of stale acting, wonderful costumes and plotlines sure to arouse the celibate fat ladies at your workplace with the show’s ample 50 shades of gray style scenes and orgies. I assume political intrigue throughout history has always revolved around orgies and ever ruler ever behaves like Caligula.

A hat that says leather daddy

George R.R. Martin is making the rounds in his weird gay biker hat wearing a silken vest looking like the guy who sells turkey legs at the Renaissance Fair who swears his biker hat is within the time period.

He tries to pull this thing off that so much it’s become part of his iconic look and if he took it off someone would mistake him for a dying fat man.

Yes, your favorite author is mortal. Deal with it.

I’ve been burned before

The show goes on and on and on and we’re wondering when they’re going to hurt us. HBO has let us down many times in the past and they will continue to do so. For HBO they love starting shows but rarely do they give shows time enough to finish properly.

HBO comes out with very strong stories and takes years sometimes even 5 seasons to get all their cards dealt.

Then somewhere around season 6 they have a meeting, in walks an exec who’s job it is to say wrap up your 10 season show in 1 season please, then the executive lights a cigar with a one hundred dollar bill and snorts a line of cocaine the size of Frosty the Snowman.

I mean he has an MBA, plus he can do whatever he wants because his dad owns the company anyway.

Fan theories are annoying

As the show goes on we have to look forward to brain dead fans wondering if the contrived story line meant to go in the direction it did or if it has some higher meaning. These zombie sherlocks investigating every clue of the show want every show to play like a schlocky dungeons and dragons campaign.

Cheaply done, they’ve bootlegged their own show

The show tries to be classy but it’s a cheap knock off of the original. Fan service plotline coupled with cheap CGI has us feeling like it’s some straight to video sequel for you to funnel your hard earned cash into.

Gore for the sake of gore, nudity for the sake of nudity, it’s obvious to me that the magic is gone and both George RR Martin and HBO are eagerly hoping you’re dumb enough to fall for their con job of a spinoff. This is going to be worse than Season 8 of Game of Thrones by the end of it, I promise!

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Writer/Contributor. Scholar of life.