I went to see Buckethead and it turned out to be a scarecrow. A big, silent, gray scarecrow standing in the middle of an empty stadium with no one there but me. I walked through the gate as he just stood silently watching me with his arms folded across his chest.
“What’s this all about?” I asked him when I was almost at the top of the stairs that led down into the stage area. He didn’t answer me. Instead he made a very quiet, frightening sound which sounded like scraping metal on concrete and my ears popped loudly for a moment before I realized it was actually my own ears and they were still working. He tilted his head back toward the ceiling and kept making those strange noises while blinking once and then again in succession. Then he closed his eyes and started singing about if he only had a brain.
Ahh WTF is this The Wizard Of Oz? I wanted to see guitarist Buckethead not this weird shit. So I threw down my camera gear and ran down into the stage area where more than a few people wearing what looked like those Halloween party costumes everyone wears seemed to have gathered around Buckethead. Even though there wasn’t much light and some of them weren’t paying attention to each other, they all seemed pretty happy. At least until Buckethead began playing. Then everyone got worried. You could hear the panic in their voices as they spoke.
“Why don’t you play something normal you big dumb scarecrow” one guy moaned.
Sudden Scarecrowhead turned 33 feet tall and began breathing fire upon the audience like truckzilla on a bad day. What did we do wrong? That thing will kill us if it catches us. Why does it smell so bad? Is this another reason why none of our corpses have ever been found? OH GOD IT’S GETTING CLOSER! I’m–